Speak up... Reach out... do

Don't worry

2011-09-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

A little less than a month ago, Agape teens hosted something this area calls a TNT. TNT stands for Tuesday Nights Together. It is where area churches of Christ youth groups get together and praise God. This year there was a different spin. We challenged the teens to give from their hearts. Each hosting youth group chose an organization to raise awareness and money for. It was such a blessing to be a part in all of this. The teens raised $336 dollars for Dignity Village out here in Portland through Agape's TNT. It was so encouraging to see that these teens stepped up to the challenge of giving.

Our TNT focused on not worrying. I sat through that devotional and heard the words yet they didn't sink in. I've allowed myself to be completely encompassed with worry over the last few months. Worry about my future, worry about friends, worry about changes, worry about... well... you name it.

So that has been nagging is how do you trust in God to give you the answers in HIS timing. I mean how do you really trust that. I'm really good at saying I trust it but I still feel that nagging. Yesterday, I began reading Luke chapter 12:29-31. The verses that stuck out to me said "Your Father knows what you need. But put God's work first, and these things will be yours as well." 30a-31.

Your Father knows what you need. Your Father knows what you need. Your Father knows what you need. I started repeating this. And I slowly began to believe it. Slowly began to trust. God knows what I need, as a Father, he knows. I think of my own dad. My dad would give me the shirt off of his back (in fact, in elementary school I used to sport his awesome t-shirts... I'm sure I can find a picture sometime). My dad feels my pain when I'm hurting, he shares my joys when I'm rejoicing, he is excited for me and he prays for me, and anything I need that he can provide he does. So how much more will my heavenly Father provide for me when he knows what I need when I need it. Trust, trust, trust. So difficult but I'm banking on the fact that the Lord of my entire life and being has a plan for me to prosper not to be harmed, plans for hope and a future. Those may be unknown to me right now but I will trust that the Lord will provide.

Psalm 62

2011-08-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have truly neglected this blog! I have no excuse except that I've had the busiest summer EVER. Between camps and traveling the world, I have barely found time to sit down and think at all. So when I sat down and opened up my Bible, this is what God gave to me.

"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. How long will you assault me? Would all of you throw me down--- this leaning wall, this tottering fence? Surely they intend to topple me from my lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation ad my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Surely the lowborn are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie. If weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath. Do not trust in extortion or put vain hope in stolen goods; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them. One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: "Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love"; and, "You reward everyone according to what they have done."

May you all find rest in God today.

Some uplifting news!

2011-06-30T15:46:00.001-07:00

http://networkedblogs.com/jR8tz

Please Pray and Support

2011-06-02T11:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a very long time. Sorry to all of you who may or may not have been reading my blog! I have had a pretty emotional last week. I recently found out that a good friend of mine has stage 4 cancer. He has an incredibly rare tumor inside of his spine. This cancer has been documented in 1 in a million people in their brain. This tumor is not in Ryan's brain, it is inside of his spine. So it's rarity is even more staggering. Ryan is 28 years old and has a beautiful amazing wife named Jessica and 2 incredible kids named Jones and India. This couple celebrated their 8th anniversary yesterday (today is their anniversary but it will be spent in the hospital doing MRI's to see if the tumor has spread). I have never met a couple quite like Ryan and Jessica. They live off of absolutely nothing and rely completely on God to get them through day to day. They are in the processing of starting a new church that focuses on their immediate community through intentional community. The are truly sold out for Christ and his mission to love and save the lost and hurting in our world.

With their lack of funding, they also are without insurance. As you can imagine, these bills are going to begin to stack up. A few of their loved ones set up a way for people to help give to relieve some of their burden. If this cancer had been in his brain, his life expectancy would be 6 weeks to 5 years. Obviously, there is a huge burden on this family, there is no reason for finances to add to that burden. If you can help support these amazing people, there are some options below in how to do that. Even if you're only able to give 5, 10, 20 dollars. ANYTHING helps. and I mean anything. Here are the ways to help.

-By depositing money into and account for Ryan Woods at Columbia Credit Union under account #444289.
-Or through online giving here: http://ow.ly/3yjhL
-Or by sending a check to PO Box 873575 Vancouver, WA 98687 written to "Renovatus" and marked for Ryan Woods

I think mailing would be the easiest way if you're okay with using one of your stamps. Please PLEASE pray for this family. I pray that my thoughts on this couple is encouraging enough for you to want to get involved, but if not, PLEASE read Ryan's blog. You will get to know him quickly and his heart for God, his family, ministry, and life. These are truly people who have sacrificed so much to bring the kingdom of God to the earth. Thank you guys. Love you.

Ryan's Blog

Revelation song

2011-04-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

I LOVE this song.... Any time that I need to be in a place of worship throughout my day, I go to this song. I hope you all can love it as much as I do.

REVELATION SONG

Incredible blessing

2011-03-26T15:33:00.000-07:00

So I woke up early this Saturday morning to drive to Washington. A friend of mine from Agape had asked me to go to this women's conference right outside of Vancouver. The conference is called the Tour of Hope. They had speakers talk about the water crisis, HIV/Aids and human trafficking. What I liked was that they didn't use a ton of statistics or flood your brains with facts that left you feeling useless. What they did was share stories. They had women who were doing all kinds of work around the world, speak of their joys and trials and how God had been using them in their lives. I thought it was so uplifting and wonderful. At the beginning of the conference they had everyone put their names in a basket for a drawing. I heard them say something about a trip so I put my name in and went and grabbed my seat.

I remember thinking, "I've heard so much of this before, what more can they tell me." Such a bold/big-headed thing to think right? Of course it was. I heard of women who decided to let go of fear and trust God. I heard of dying children but also living children. I heard of how Christ is changing communities all over the world through women who decided they would give their lives, pick up their cross, and follow our Savior. As we were reaching the end of the conference we took a short break and i proceeded to write a good friend of mine an email just about my thoughts on everything I was hearing. One thing I wrote was just that I was ready to listen to God. Sometimes I try to d0-do-do and then do some more and it can cloud me from hearing what God is calling me to. So I decided I was just going to listen.

We came back from the break and we sang a few more songs. Then came the time for the drawing. They explained that the drawing was for the winner and a friend to go on their spring mission trip to Guatemala in 2012. FOR FREE. So I as she was speaking, I thought to myself, "I'm going to win this trip." She grabbed the small piece of paper and said, "I'm going to have trouble saying this name." "Yep," I thought, "totally me." "Da-yna? Donna? Danna? Neeto?" Yep that was ME!

So I won a totally free mission trip to Guatemala and I couldn't be happier! I am inviting my friend Koriani to go. Without her inviting me to this event, I would have never have won. I'm so excited and looking forward to this and believe completely that God was telling me part of what was next. I'm grateful and undeserving, but most of all I just feel blessed.

A bit of a quest

2011-03-22T13:58:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been on this quest to challenge the things that I think. For a long time I feel like I've formulated ideas about who God is and have been very frustrated with people who may disagree with me, but the things is, I'm asking other people to be open but not being open myself. I have to look at the things that make me "uncomfortable" and pray about those things and read about them. I need to read of other people's experiences and hear them just as much as I would like to be heard.

I have just found that I need to not take the easy way and just assume that what makes me comfortable is what is reality. I know I will never understand all of who God is while I'm on this earth. I have to trust in His love and his knowledge of the entire world. Trusting is maybe one of the hardest things for me to do but I'm choosing to trust in God, while continually trying to seek his wisdom.

Just some thoughts

Ministry Through Listening

2011-03-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was reading a book called Contemplative Youth Ministry and I came across something that I believe is fundamental when it comes to ministry in general. I wanted to share it with anyone who still reads this blog. (I know I've been terrible about writing). The chapter I was reading was about listening and there was something that stuck out to me. I have to sit with this and wonder if I am listening with God's love. The thing that stuck out to me is a lengthy quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer that Mark Yaconelli writes in this book. Read it, think about it, pray about it. Listen.

"The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to his Word, so the beginning of love for our brothers and sisters is learning to listen to them... Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking where they should be listening. But the person who can no longer listen to others will soon be no longer listening to God either... This is the beginning of death of spiritual life, and in the end there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious works... Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listening has been committed to them by the One who is the great listener and whose work they should share. We should listen with the ears of god that we may speak with the word of God."

Freedom

2011-02-20T11:49:00.000-08:00

I skipped going to Agape today. Strep has taken over! I hate laying in bed.... really... I hate it, especially when I know so many people that I love are together. As I laid in bed this morning, I turned on some Jon Foreman (if you don't know his music, go look it up) and started reading out of the Message. I read part of 2nd Corinthians and all of Galatians. I began to have a kind of love for Paul. Which if you know me at all, is saying something. I used to HATE Paul because I thought Paul hated women. This is a true fact. I really believed this. If you asked me now about that particular issue, God has worked on me quite a bit. What I like about Paul is that he struggled. He struggled so much. He had everything thrown at him yet he didn't lose faith in God. I can see why people like him. His story is quite amazing and I love that he continues to point all fingers back to God as being the reason for his life. I think I lose sight of that a lot of times. I loved how much he talks about freedom and how he tries to show people that freedom is worth sacrificing luxuries of the world.

Paul is bold. He isn't afraid of people being upset with him because of the truth of who Jesus is. I think that is so so so important. There are so many times when I'm beyond frustrated with people who grew up "knowing" God and who have chosen to make excuses as to why they don't follow God anymore. I fully believe that people need to find God and cultivate their own relationship with Him because otherwise, it is a relationship built on fear. I can't even get mad at these people, because I know that I have for sure been there too. Who am I to get angry or frustrated, but I hurt for these people. Because there IS freedom in God and nothing on earth will satisfy a person like God does.

I love when the Bible talks about being a slave to God or a slave to the world. This sounds terrible either way right? However, God loves us, the world doesn't love us. The world is selfish, and always wanting more and more for all of the wrong reasons. God always wants more and more of us for the pure longing for humanity to be restored to him. We can make excuses all day long and I believe that when people have experienced God and choose to go back to the world, they constantly find themselves in want. SOMETHING is missing and they search everywhere to find it. God is the only filler of the hole inside of us and I hope and pray that more and more people will come to be filled. So if you're reading this and you find yourself being a person looking to the world to fill what only God can fill, I encourage you to look to God. I won't promise it is easy but I promise that it is worth it.

Reciprocation

2011-02-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

The picture that I have isn't the greatest, but imagine this painting looking 10 times better in real life then it does here. My friend Katie Blake painted this after reading about how Christ calls us to do for the least of these. Whenever we give someone a cup of water in need, we are giving that cup to Jesus himself. To conclude these posts that are so long overdue, I want to tell you all that we raised 10,000 dollars and we are building TWO wells. God far exceeded my expectations. I love it when He does that. We are building one well in India, and we are partnering with a church in Washington to build a well in Peru. I'm so excited about all of it. I am now looking into taking a group of people on a trip to build a well next year. Keep that in your prayers. I'm hoping that God will provide a plan and make a way for us to do that. I'll try and keep this updated more, and I'll let you know when we get information about our wells and where exactly they are going! I'm so excited. Thank you all for supporting us in this.

Purification and Redemption

2011-01-27T16:45:00.000-08:00

Man, I'm bad at keeping up with this....

Our 3rd Sunday of Advent was dedicated to purifying your life. Barry Dictson had written some great thoughts about what water meant to him and how Jesus's baptism plays a role in our lives. What I love about this section, was how much the phrase "Good things begin with water" plays into it all. I know there is so much debate in different churches about if baptism saves. I believe God saves and baptism shows the community that you are ready to accept that salvation. I love the idea of starting over, starting new. That is what baptism means to me. It cleanses you, it shows you and others that you're ready for something new. It's a commitment and it is a freeing moment. I was so excited to have someone as talented as Barry share his feelings about this. I wish I had an audio clip for you, but you will have to settle with my word that it was moving. Nevertheless, here is a picture for you! (1st picture)

I'll also tell you about our 4th Sunday and my friend Dustin (2nd picture) who shared with us about what it means to be redeemed. He had the story of the woman at the well. I loved that he shared how all of us are on the same level. We all need to be rescued and saved. He did a wonderful job of sharing his thoughts in written form about what it means to be redeemed. Of course we tied it into our theme of good things begin with water. This woman's life changed at a well with a man asking for a cup of water then offering her everlasting life. He offered her water that would never let her be thirsty again. What an amazing God we serve.

Suffering to healing

2011-01-18T12:24:00.000-08:00

For the second week of Advent, we had Ashley Murdoch share her creativity pertaining to Psalm 42-43. The theme was how God brings healing to suffering and pain. These verses reference God as being the solution to the thirst that a person feels. As the deer pants for water, so my soul longs after you. A thirsty deer will never be satisfied until it finds water, this is the same for our souls. We will never feel complete until we find God and enter into a relationship with him. We will always have times of suffering but God will comfort his people and work for the good of those who love him. God is love. Here is the collage that Ashley crafted. She is an extremely talented artist and I believe she brings to life this topic through her Art.

Creation

2011-01-15T00:55:00.000-08:00

Well... I haven't been very good at keeping up with my entries, but as I said in my last post, I'm going to go through what we did with Advent Conspiracy as a church this year. The overall theme was "Good things begin with water." So for the first Sunday we began where God did, with creation. I had picked out Genesis 1:2-3 for creation and gave it as an option to our artists. Koriani Baptist grabbed hold of it and let the spirit move her to create. She made 3 or 4 paintings and shared with all of us what water meant to her. She talked about childhood experiences of cherishing her time with water. She was a swimmer and always loved being in the water. She then talked about how much we have all taken for granted the fact that we can have clean water to drink and bathe in and cook with. She did an incredible job of relating what water means to her and how much more we should want to help provide clean water for others. Above is one of her 4 paintings.

Advent Conspiracy

2010-12-20T10:33:00.001-08:00

This time of year is always so exciting and filled with wonder. Either the wonder of stress and frustration because you feel the need to buy 697 presents in order for your kids and family members to be satisfied, OR wonder because Christmas can still change the world. I hope and pray that more and more people are being able to experience how Christmas changes people.

This year I took hold of Advent for Agape and ran with it. God continually gave me ideas and put the people in my path who could make it all happen. We decided to give all of our money raised to Living Water International. This organization takes the money they receive and gives it to a village in need. They empower the people of that nation to build water wells. Our goal has been to raise 3,000 dollars to restore a well or raise 5,000 to build a new well where there was not one before. I had SUCH LITTLE FAITH!!! seriously.... I was trying to find churches to partner with because I didn't think we could reach either of those goals. God has shown me that he can move mountains and open people's hearts.

We had 5 Sundays of lessons about water. My next 5 Posts will be dedicated to what we talked about during this series "Good Things Begin with Water." I'm so excited for what God has done/is doing with this entire project. Thank you to all of you who prayed and who have helped financially. Love you all!

Peaks and valleys

2010-11-15T12:56:00.000-08:00

Something I'm trying to remember. Sometimes.... Ministry is not fun. Sometimes you feel inadequate. Sometimes you wonder if there is anything that you can do right. Sometimes there are days when you have no idea what you're doing here. Then you remember that for that day, God is doing something in your life and wants to change you in some way. He wants to help you grow and look at life a bit differently. I have been praying hard for God to renew my mind. To see people how he sees them. I had like these 2 weeks where I was on top of the world. I felt like I could never fall. and then nothing horrible happened, nothing so depressing. I just fell into a valley. I blame it on the weather. God is bringing me out of it. And so are my friends.

I am a part of this amazing home community. We are studying James but last night we all got together and just sat around our coffee table and just chatted about life. We laughed a LOT. It was so refreshing. That is exactly what I needed in that moment. God is good even when we feel inadequate or unworthy or useless. At those moments are probably the moments when He's using us in a big way. When I am weak then he is strong. I have to remember that. I pray that God is glorified even when I'm not at my "best." God is bigger than me and his plan is vast. His love is never ending.

Community

2010-11-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

There is simply nothing like spending time with people who make you value life more.

We had our once a month community dinner at our house last night. We had 14 people at our house eating dinner and just spending time together. I heard a wise man once say that when a group of people come together, usually God will get brought up. I love being in a situation where it's not forced, or pushed, or uncomfortable but where someone is just truly interested in the work that I do and that opens a door for God to walk through.

Another aspect of community that I've been so enjoying is my community back in Tulsa. Saturday, I went to a conference about Human Trafficking. I had heard a lot of the stuff before but some new information as well. A couple of the sessions were particularly difficult to listen to because they were stories for shock value. I think these stories are necessary to make us all feel human and despair and a sense of helplessness, but I already feel that. I already KNOW that this is an international and domestic problem. I already know that babies are being stolen for sex. I already know of the tragedy of the human experience for so so so many people in our world. These are the things my heart is constantly heavy with. I left the conference with some new ideas but still a heavy heart. I felt like I had been working a physical labor job for 3 days straight. I was wiped out. However, when I got home I had a large manila envelope with my name on it. Inside were at LEAST 50 notes from people my age and older and some younger. They were all from people who attended the I am NOW conference that David Skidmore hosted in Tulsa. Dave is the campus minister at Park Plaza church of Christ.

They took time out of their weekend to pray for me, to write to me and I don't believe that they'll know how much that meant. To have a force of people lifting my name up to God. It's the reason I have strength for what I carry emotionally. So I appreciate community. I long for it. I love it. I love all of you.

Action

2010-11-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

I was given a link by a good friend to listen to a Kenyan pastor Calisto Odede who preached from Ephesians 4:17-6:9. He challenges us to consider whether Christianity makes any difference in our lives, instructing us to walk in the newness of life. In his sermon he references a poem by Jim Elliot. I've been so filled up lately with God and just realizing more and more each day that Christianity isn't about church, it isn't about school, it isn't about Bible studies, it is about LIFE. A new way of life. A totally encompassing change that we are seeking to see God in everything we do and walk in a way that reflects the things we hear in church, perhaps school, and Bible studies. It's a change. This poem really stuck out to me. If you don't know about Jim Elliot, you should go look him up.

God in the Common Place

I sought God in the commonplace
And I found Him every day
Not in the streets of Jerusalem
Nor caressed by Galilee's spray;
But I found God on the sidewalks
The backyard, and our upstairs,
And I walked with Him on Main Street;
He handled my school affairs

My Christ stands not in synagogue
With a beard and long white gown,
But I know Him in the grocery store,
He rides our car downtown.
Many smile when I tell them,
Some say it is not right
To find the Lord on Broadway
Beneath the glow of a neon light

Great God of the Here and Now,
I pray for that key of Belief
Which unlocks Thee in daytime,
Which does not wait for grief
To make the Unseen real.
Recalling the words You did say,
"I am the God of tomorrow, yesterday,
...and today."

-from the Journal
of Jim Elliot

Praise

2010-10-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

Praise, Praise, PRAISE you oh God,
You have answered my prayers.
Healing, wisdom, salvation
nothing is too big for your power.
What have I done to deserve such a gift as this?
To be emptied out and again refilled with your Spirit
Your truth overwhelms me my Lord,
Your embrace calms all fears
Your teachings fashion my heart
Your love TRANSFORMS MY LIFE.
Others say that happiness is found in this world
I say it can only be found in You
Your creation whistles and roars
gallops and trots
skips and scurries to the rhythm of this life
We sing and we are silent.
Holy hands and covered heads
Unworthy submitting beings
ready to do your will.
Your Grace blankets me with warmth
your word feeds my precious soul.
Precious to you, I am
I am unworthy but forever grateful.

And he Moves

2010-10-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

I've had such a roller coaster of emotions the last couple of weeks. I've had negativity thrown my way in some HUGE ways but God continues to counteract that with His incredible Spirit. I'm not sure about you guys but growing up, I never learned much about the Holy Spirit. I'm not really sure why this was. Maybe somehow, people believed they could grasp God the Father, and Jesus but the Spirit is abstract. So maybe it's better to just skim over it. HA! I love the Spirit. I would be able to do nothing without the Spirit showing me and comforting me and speaking through me.

I had a Spirit experience last night. A friend of one of my roommates (who is now my friend as well) has been hanging around our house over the last month and a half and just constantly talks about how different we are. He was not a believer. He had grown up being around Christianity but was also exposed to negative forms that made him wonder why people would ever want to believe in a God. I see this so often. I have been praying a LOT lately that God would begin sending people my way who are thirsting for Him. And use me in those instances in any way he sees fit. Well last night, at 1:30 AM, I began a conversation with my new friend. One he had been having with my roommate and another friend for weeks. All of these wise things began spilling out of my mouth. The Spirit. The thoughts that came to my mind about how to explain Jesus and life and a relationship with God were brand new thoughts to me. Thoughts that only the Spirit could have produced for me to speak. The night ended up with a prayer and I believe a man beginning his journey with God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit. How encouraging for me to be a part of something so incredible. I've never felt God like I did last night. It was a new a beautiful thing for me. I hope and pray that God continues to bring hungry and thirsty people my way so that he can use the gifts that he's given me to express who God is. What a humbling experience.

The Spirit Moves.

And so they Fall

2010-10-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

Autumn is my absolute favorite season. Everyone else seems to love spring because everything is blooming and it represents a new time, a new season. However, there is something to be said about Fall. Without everything changing colors, falling of the trees and plants, "dying" some might say, there would be no place for Spring. No open branches for new leaves or new flowers. Autumn must take place so that winter can follow then everybody's favorite, Spring.

So maybe this is corny... I don't mind. But I'm feeling spiritually in the season of Fall. A time when God shows you things about yourself that you need to change, drop, shed, so that the newness that he has for us can begin to grow. This can be so so difficult. And we may not be as pretty as that picture up there but we have to let go of what we think is okay or beautiful or substantial to let God do incredible things in our live and through our lives for other people.

We had such an encouraging day this past Sunday! We had 183 people come to our Friend's Day at Agape and 18 teens showed up! I was so excited to figure that out! We are going to start some fun activities to get our teens to get to know each other. Please pray for us as we continue to be in the lives of so many different people. My prayer is that God uses my gifts to best love Him and love others. Thank you for your encouragement and love and prayers.

And then He laughs

2010-10-08T23:52:00.000-07:00

Remember when you had it all figured out?
Remember when you told God how it was going to be?
Then do you remember when God laughed?
When he laughed and showed you exactly what he wanted you to see?

I had an earlier post on here about how I don't believe that there is one magical path that God has laid out in intense detail. I think God wants us to be creative in our lives. However, I do believe when we ask God what he wants, he will show us. I love God for his humor. I know that I constantly make plans about things that I then act out on these plans but then God says... well... if you'd like, you could ask me what I think is best. What plans are you making without asking God about? It's always interesting to hear what he has to say.

When you do for the least of these.....

2010-09-07T12:37:00.000-07:00

I want to paint you a picture. It is something that doesn't really make sense to me but nevertheless, it exists. Imagine you're walking downtown and you see this playing out in front of you. On one corner you have 4 people handing out tracts to people. These tracts are telling those nice business men and women how Jesus can save their souls. They put their hand right in front of you when you're walking by and make you either take it or veer off awkwardly to avoid having to have a conversation. Please don't get me wrong, I am not against people handing out tracts. If that is what God is putting on your heart then go and do. However, here is the other part of this picture. On the corner across the street there is a 22 year old girl who is so covered in dirt. She's crying and asking people for their spare change. Her boyfriend just got out of jail that day and is clean and sober but he left her. She is lonely and hungry and confused. And she just sits there. I wish I had had a camera that day. I wish I could have stood on the opposite corner and captured this picture to show you. How does this make any sense? How do we have starving hurting people on one corner, and then Christian people on the other side of the street sitting and chatting with each other and asking people if they know Jesus? I don't understand. What I learned that day was that a girl only one year younger than me has lived a difficult life. She has a life that Jesus wants to be a part of. And I do called to have a relationship with her. Sometimes I want to say that it's okay if that's not everyone's calling but if you're a Christian, you HAVE been called to do for the least of these. I was angered when I saw this picture. I was frustrated. I prayed that God would change my heart from a judgmental mess into having a graceful hope that people can come to know Jesus. He transforms lives, if we let him. A lesson I try to learn every single day for myself alone. We must keep our eyes open and our hearts ready. We have to have compassion.

What does this picture say to you? Are we content with looking across the street and seeing those in need cry, or do we answer the call and bring her a cup to drink, something to eat and put clothes on her back? What has Jesus called us to do?

"I'm you're servant, help me understand what that means"

2010-08-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

I love this verse from psalm 119. How much more honest can a person be with God? I think God can appreciate this. That we can be dedicated to him but have no idea what that looks like. I think a lot of people have a hard time with this. What does serving God look like in your life? And how can we get out of the mentality of serving God as an "event of service" to a life of making decisions based on our love for God and love for other people. I've started a book called "Things I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Married." Before you freak out, no, I'm not getting married any day soon, but Lori Clark gave me this book and I think the information in it can be relayed to every relationship in your life. I love people but people are difficult. I'm difficult. But God doesn't call relationship to be easy, he just calls us to have relationships with Him and other people. I like this book because it gives you ideas on how to handle conflict. I like making myself more aware of my surroundings and more aware of other people's feelings towards what I'm saying and doing. Relationship should never be selfish. We will always want something out of relationship and there will be times when it does feel more like we're in it for ourselves but from what I'm learning more and more about life is that we need balance. Once we decide to work on the relationships in our lives then we will see how God works in our every day life. Then we will be able to live more intentionally within the idea of living out ministry. To serve God is to love God and serve others. I'm learning that it is hard work but everything in life that is good is hard work. So I guess I should get used to it right? :)

"Who Am I?"

2010-07-01T17:22:00.001-07:00

Yes... that is a Zoolander quote.

This whole last year has been a journey. When I moved to Portland I didn't know what to expect but I can honestly say, had I had expectations, they would have been blown out of the water. Each day I learn something new about myself, my surroundings, and the people that I come into contact with, who are a glimpse of who God is. Yeah. SO now I embark upon my second year working with Agape. Who knows what this year will have in store for me? What I do know is that I want to work hard and give it all I've got. I want to get better at loving people and encouraging people. I want to allow God to love me and use that love to empower others.

Do you ever feel like you have about 697 different possibilities of yourself? Like there are all of these different versions of you, or different roads you could take. I know everyone has been at the fork in the road scenario wondering which way to choose. I had a great convo with a friend the other night who said "God is with you, so choose something and go do it." We were actually talking about a blog post I had written before and that still rings true in my ear. God loves me, he will be with me, I want to serve him and so I'll do it. I am doing it. It will just be interesting to see which path will light up the most! Anyway just kind of a random thought for today!

Cabin 5 UNITE!!!!!

2010-06-29T15:51:00.000-07:00

Camp Yamhill-------

So this last week was such a REFRESHING one. I ventured out to Camp Yamhill which is a camp in a town called yamhill. It's in the middle of nowhere basically. There is no internet or reception, which can I just say that I LOVE. I know what you're thinking "but danna you're the queen of technology," to which I would answer... of course you are correct in that. However, there is something about being away from it all.

I blogged a couple of posts ago about the to aspects of my life and how they are so different. CPA has taken a break for the summer which means I also have taken a break from that aspect of my ministry and am focusing more of my time with the teens. So I went to counsel at Senior Teen Camp last week with Nathan Clark as my sole teen from Agape. Needless to say I was nervous to enter into this camp where I barely knew anybody.

The counselors all met up a day early, to get to know each other and talk about the week ahead. That was an amazing day and a half to be with these people. I made so many new friends. I also was able to form some great relationships with students from all over Oregon and Washington. Some of these kids had never been to a "churchy" type thing. It was so great to hear one kid say he didn't want anything to do with the "God part" of the week and was there just for the games, and then by the end of the week he was leading our small group in prayer. Amazing. Also to love on some kids who may not get loved. I heard so many stories of these kids that I was just astonished that they are the leaders yet have been through so much. I had some great conversations about life and family and friends with so many of these teens. PLUS... I got to have a mini-war with another counselor. He had many more people than I but I think my side conquered in the end. I encouraged my campers that if they heard the battle cry of "Cabin 5 UNITE" then it would be time to run to my rescue... unfortunately... it all happened too fast!... but like I said, I totally won in the end.

All in all, I just saw God working in so many ways. I feel filled up and ready to conquer life all over again. I'm excited about what's going on in the lives of people at Agape. God is doing powerful things in this city, and I'm so thankful to be a part of it. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and most importantly your love and support. You guys are so amazing.

Sunrise, Sunrise

2010-06-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

I love the Portland sun. The sky is bluer here than any where else... no one can convince me otherwise. The rain makes you appreciate the sun. The blanket o' clouds make you appreciate the blue skies. And I'm so glad I will soon be getting rid of this opaquelike skin color. Yes that 1/4 mexican that I claim to be will shine proudly after a few short weeks in the beautiful Portland sun. It is rejuvenating. Re-energized. Feeling pretty good! I am excited to see the sun.

Being held vs. being the hero

2010-05-27T16:51:00.000-07:00

When I went to Pepperdine a couple of weeks ago for the lectures, I had a lot of time to do some self reflection. I also had some really good conversations with some amazing people who encouraged me, blessed me, and challenged me. I ran into one of my best friend's father. His name is Jim Martin and he is a preacher in Waco TX. I haven't had too many conversations with Mr. Martin but this one proved to be the Holy Spirit working on my behalf. You see, Mr. Martin has the gift of encouragement and for one reason or another I was in need of encouragement. Fancy that huh? Here is some background on me...

Some things that I came across in my self reflection time are that I have some pride issues, I have a hard time receiving others' love, I have a hard time accepting God's love for me, I'm incredibly hard on myself, yada yada yada. I promise this is important for the rest of this blog post. I realized some good things about myself too but these are the areas that I am trying to work on.

Back to my conversation with Jim. During our talk Jim asked me what I thought, if Jesus pulled up a chair next to us, what he might say to me. I was speechless and then I began to cry. I had no idea. I've never thought about that question. Jim answered saying "he would hold you, tell you that he loves you and tell you that you're okay." That, of course, caused more tears. That picture to me was transformational. For some reason, I have never put myself in the position of the one cared for. When I read scripture about Jesus and the woman at the well or the adulterous woman, I always think of how I need to love those people. I don't believe I've ever put myself in their shoes receiving grace and love from our God. What a depressing realization. I had to really look at myself and what my motivations are for the work that I do. I know in my head that people deserve to be loved and cared for but I was unwilling to accept that for myself and realize that I deserve to be loved and cared for.

After reading Anne Lamott's book, "Traveling Mercies," I had this constant nagging in my head at the fact that I don't understand grace. I know I'll never fully understand it but I then question what are my motives and where does my energy come from if I'm not allowing God to fill me up. This all ties into the fact that I was in such desperate need of encouragement that Jim provided. I think, okay... I know, that sometimes I get so caught up in "hero" mode that I forget that I need saving. When I was stuck in "hero" mode, my pride built up because I felt like I had to take it all on. But when I stepped back and was asked the question of what did I think Jesus thought about me, I couldn't answer it. And all the while I'm trying to tell others how Christ feels about them. I'm not sure what to make of it all. What I do know is that I haven't felt a better feeling then what it felt like to be held by Jesus. To be told that my efforts are good in his eyes and that he loves me. That I'm forgiven and that I have a purpose that is too big for me to take on all alone. So I have to step back from the hero position and be held for a while. And I must remember the wisdom my good friend Katie Blake's friend shared with her once reminded me of " You're not Jesus." Thank God for that. And thank God for the strength to attempt to be like this man I love so much.

So I'll leave you with this question. If Jesus were to pull up a chair next to you, what do you think he'd say to you? And really imagine it. And accept it. Love you all.

This is church

2010-05-26T22:48:00.001-07:00

I had a great meeting today with Ron and one of the members of Agape who is leading a support group for men addressing sexual addiction. Can I just tell you all how much I love and respect our men at Agape. Every time I walk in the doors, I feel respect and honor and love from these men. It has come from them reshaping their minds to treat women like Jesus wants men to treat women. Our society is so wrapped up in sex and porn and self indulgence, that it is just nice to hear that there are men who are convicted enough and confident enough to know that this life isn't what God intended. I love that Jesus transforms people. It's hard work. It is downright frustrating sometimes, but when you get into a community of people who truly are looking to have a God centered focus on life, it makes all the difference.

I love being a part of a place that asks the tough questions and to have a staff that is willing to study out those tough questions and have a conversation. No one is looked at and told "you're wrong and this is just how it is." People are offered a time of study and conversation and reflection and I believe that goes so so so much further than a quick, in your face, method. We see results with this. People, most of the time, can study it out and they are able to see the kind of life God wants for us all. Then it is up to the person to allow Christ to take them on a journey of transformation or stay where they are and not receive the fulfilling life that Christ promises those who trust in him.

This is a process for all of us. Christ renews us day by day. Just as life is a journey so is life with Christ. No one will get it perfect but we strive to be Christ like because that is where we find wholeness in our lacking. Where we find strength in our weariness. and where we find justice in an unjust world. Christ shows us and we can choose to follow. It's not always easy but which road in life is? I'm encouraged by people who choose to take the more difficult road of recovery for the sake of a life looking more like Christ.

A New Life

2010-05-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

"Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own.
Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the old a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. god uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into god's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you.
How? you ask. In Christ. God put the wrong on him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God."
2 Corinthians 14-21 The Message

For I know the plans.....

2010-04-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

This verse... oh this verse. I love this verse. I memorized it in 5th grade accompanied by a catchy little song about being a promise. Tonight I read Donald Miller's blog. I loved it. His last two entries are questions and ideas that I've had on my mind lately. Here are some reasons why.

I think we can easily misuse the above verse. First off, the word "you" is referencing a group of people, not a specific person. God has plans for people as a whole, and what are those plans you ask? Oh they are to prosper people and not to harm people, to give people hope and a future. Those are God's plans for people. God's plans for you. I loved reading Donald Miller's blog (yes I feel as though I need to type his full name) because I agree with the fact that God isn't controlling. A few nights ago some friends and I had a conversation about if God can see the future and if he can does that mean he knows what we'll choose and does that mean we have free will.... these kinds of questions annoy me because we'll never know. But these questions really bother some people. Who will we marry? How will our kids turn out? What job am I supposed to take? Where am I supposed to live? I love that in his latest entry he says that God is just along for the journey with us. Like a good father/mother, he doesn't want to control our every move because God's overall plan will get done with or without us. We can choose to live a life that glorifies him because we love him.
Something That I've been thinking about a LOT lately is personality and how who God made us affects how we relate to him. Here's what I mean. I don't believe there is any cookie cutter way of being a Christian. I think Christ calls us to love, and gives us great examples of how to love people. When we love Christ, we love others, and in turn do acts of love, BUT I believe if we think that a Christian should look and act only in one specific way, then we are truly hurting children of God. I believe that God wants us to be creative. I believe God wants us to question, search, love, and use the gifts he's given us to glorify him. Some examples of how glorifying God in different ways is a constant theme in the Bible. No one person is alike. I love the story of Zacchaeus. He was anything BUT cookie cutter, and what did his interaction with Jesus cause him to do? It caused him to continue to be a tax collector but to be a better one. But Jesus didn't choose that for him, it was Zacchaeus's love for Jesus that caused him to change in a way that he himself chose.

I guess I say all of this because I think we take the creativity out of Christianity. Christ came and shook things up. He was so different that it caused people to notice. But different in the smallest of ways like inviting the broken and unwanted to the table. Jesus has a radical love that doesn't make sense to too many people and he did it in such creative ways. i.e. (this is Jesus speaking) I think I'll go chat it up with this Samaritan woman and tell her all about her life and share something beautiful with her. I'll hang out at a party and supply the booze... (okay c'mon people... it wasn't just grape juice... let's be honest here). I think I'll touch a leaper as well as spit into the mud and wipe it on a blind man's eyes. I think I'll cleverly be risen from the dead and just appear around some of my good friends. Jesus is creative. Why shouldn't we be? Go read Donald Miller's blog. Think about how you can glorify God in a creative way and allow who God made you to be glorify him even more. Do art, sing, be a doctor, an architect, a teacher. Inspire people. But above all things, love God and love your neighbor.

GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!

2010-04-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

I bet you thought I was going to go off on a tangent or get on my soap box didn't you? Don't worry... I'm not! :)

I love my life. I love it because I have moments where nothing at all makes sense to me and I get discouraged and frustrated and annoyed and I feel like I'm useless and that I'm not doing anything right or anything that I'm supposed to be doing. I love these moments because they are the times when I think God laughs at me and says duhhhhhhhh. Yes I do believe the almighty infinite father/mother/creator being that is with us, above us, the beginning and the end, says duh. Deal with it. Anyway. I think these are the times when God shows me that I don't need to focus on my control issues because I am not in control of his plan. phew. Thank God... literally... I thank him.

The last couple of weeks have just been off for me. I don't know what it was. A valley some would call it. But I try to be very aware of the little things that God is doing for me to keep me going. Like for instance... as my title states.... God has given me a break. In the midst of so much going on in peoples lives, you know, all of the "heavy" stuff we try to digest, God allows us breaks. Jesus did it, so should we. I find my life and work to be a bit humorous.... some days I'm hanging out with the most hilarious women who I love so dearly but who also take so much emotionally from me, and then other days I thrust myself into a the world of middle school girls. WHAT?? These worlds are so different yet eerily similar. This last week I spent some time with a lady from Council for Prostitution Alternatives and I took her to a clinic to get some results from blood work that she had done. I had been praying for God to renew my compassion and boy did that night do it. Sitting in this doctor's office as my friend shared with the docs about her life and her struggles and what she's been going through, my heart broke all over again. But the moments in that night when I realized I was exactly where I'm supposed to be, were the ones when my friend would look at me to help her answer the questions about her own life. When she looked at me because she knows that I know her. I am a person who has listened, and loved her and can sit in a doctor's office while she shares some of her most personal experiences. I am in that inner circle with her. I can't express the feeling that came over me that we are truly friends. It was a total God thing. BUT also a very emotionally draining day.

THEN I get to the break part. Ministry consists of so many people for me. I've recently been working some with the teens and where I said this wasn't my passion I'm finding that God wants me here. and I won't lie to you, I love it. A church plant in Vancouver called Renovatus is teaming up with our teens to do a TNT. Which are big youth nights every tuesday in the summer time. We have a theme and do a lesson for like 200 teens. It is going to be awesome. As we meshed our teens together we played a game called 'park bench,' i believe. In this game you are supposed to pretend like you do not know the other person as they try and get you to move off of the bench by doing something weird. I was really good at this game.... mainly because awkwardness is one of my spiritual gifts.... that's scriptural right? This game was absolutely ridiculous and funny and it reminded me that I'm allowed to not take myself so seriously all of the time. God was giving me a break. This summer is going to be a great balance for me between working with CPA and working with our teen girls and trying to love younger girls and give them hope in life and direction towards God so that they are able to flourish. I'm very excited and I just pray that God continues to show me that I am just a struggling individual without Him. I can certainly do things without God but I can do ALL things with Him. That gives me hope.

love you guys

oh my what fun

2010-04-18T09:18:00.001-07:00

Yesterday marked opening day of the Timbers Soccer club!!! i'm sooooo excited. A group of us went to the sold out game and it was so great. I had great friends around me as we cheered cheers that we weren't really sure what we were saying but we were enthusiastic nonetheless. Our men were faithful and won 1-0 against some rochester team... blah... who cares right? This game reminds me that summer is near and I'm so excited for the adventures that will be had. May is going to be an insane month. Leave the first week for Malibu! SOOO excited. I've never been to Pepperdine before and I'm looking forward to rooming with Jamie Sweeny and flying with Glynda Crownover. Excited to see all the famous people that are OBVIOUSLY going to carry on long conversations with me. no doubt. And most of all (and i'm serious about this) I'm excited for a week of hearing people who know a LOT more about the Bible than I do talk to me about who our God is. I'm just super excited. THEN I come back for like 4 great days and then head to one of my best friend's wedding!!!!! Katie Marie Clayton will become Katie Marie Watson, and I'm so fortunate to be a part of this wonderful day! Not to mention I FINALLY fit into the dress that they sent me! Thank you LA Fitness. I will be seeing one of my favorite people there who goes by the name of Sharon Ackerman who I will then bring home to Portland with me so she can see what I do here. May will be packed. But all encouraging things will be taking place. Summer is near and the sun is shining! Life is good and I just keep praying that God uses me and shows me where to go. All I need is direction and the strength to get me there! Hope you all are finding life exciting! love you all very much.

Friends

2010-04-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

I love having conversations with people that make me think. Challenging questions of why I believe what I do. What is the point? What is the point of prayer and reading, of seeking, of questioning, of living, of humbling yourself, of submitting, of encouraging, of discipline. I was reading a friend of mine's blog and he was talking about freedom and what does freedom really mean. Reminded me a lot of how we're either slaves to the world or slaves to God. It interests me to think that people don't see that. that people don't want to be a "slave" to God but they see their enslavement to the world as some kind of freedom. I also have people who hate when the Bible speaks about things we should and shouldn't do. mainly the shouldn't part. My response has always been you're life will be better when you don't choose a life that will not only destroy you but also destroy others whom you love around you. God gives you a path that makes life more abundant and more fulfilling.

When Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, I'm convinced that he wasn't saying for us to do this because it will be good for our neighbor alone, but there is something about loving others that fulfills us. I used to have conversations in college about altruism and does it really exist. Because most times that you do something for someone else out of love you get a feeling of fulfillment.

Jesus paints us a beautiful picture of how humanity can live in the most peaceful way together. He shows us how to love people that we're told are unlovable. He teaches us how to accept people who are unacceptable. He literally transforms people's lives and he's still doing it. The way Jesus was on earth is enough for me to follow him. The fact that he is my savior is just an incredible bonus that I will never deserve. I believe Jesus is who he says he is because of the things the did for the most unwanted people. I believe him because he lived his life in a way that attracted people to a way of life that frees them of the enslavement of the world. His words and actions matched up and I've never heard someone say that he wasn't at least a "good man." Well this good man said that he was my savior and died the most brutal death for people who spit on him. He rose miraculously to show an unbelieving people that he is who he said he was. That is someone I want to be like. I don't want to believe and not follow. I want to do both. I want to practice sacrificial love that doesn't seem to make sense to the world but when they experience it they see that this is how life was meant to be all along.

Thanks to my friends for challenging me to think more about why I am here. Love you guys

Easter Weekend

2010-04-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was so wonderful. My mother, grandma, and aunt came to Portland last wednesday (i don't like how wednesday is spelled... just a random fact). They stayed until yesterday. We ventured all over Portland and the coast and to Multnomah falls, also to Saturday market. We had an amazing weekend.

There was a group from Tulsa who came to encourage Agape. Man I love when they come up here. We had a fun night of bowling and I really think that the Tulsa group got to spend some good time with some of our people here in Portland. We had an amazing time on Sunday. God really opened up our doors and so many people came and visited. I just pray that God worked on the hearts of all of the people who were there, and that they see the vision of Agape and want to join in. I am so excited about the new possibilities and the people that God is going to continue to bring through our doors. I also am so excited about how our members really stepped up and invited so many of their friends and family to join us on this special day. I am so encouraged and full of excitement for the future of Agape and am very fortunate that I can be a small part of it all. Thank you to all of you who came and visited and thank you all for your prayers and support! Love you!

Surrender

2010-03-23T00:12:00.000-07:00

Boy has this been a tough couple of weeks. I don't usually like to complain... I mean sometimes it happens, don't get me wrong, but I don't like it. Another thing I'm not so great at is asking for help. I was taught to be independent and to think for myself. I am so grateful for those qualities, but sometimes they get the best of me; especially the independent part. I see so many issues in the world, in this culture, in our churches, within my generation and I think about what I can do to help change them. In my work now, I had been struggling for the last couple of weeks just really questioning what my purpose is. I'm volunteering with this organization (CPA) that I just wasn't sure why God had me there. I've been there for 7 months or so and I just kind of felt like I was just another person doing something nice by giving up my time to be with these women. This past Thursday however was one of the most difficult nights of my life. I witnessed pure hopelessness. I'm not sure if many of you can relate, but to sit across a table from someone who absolutely believes that they are worth nothing and cannot believe that anyone could love them. If you know me well enough then you'll know how much this broke my heart to hear a fellow human being speak of such despair.

Some other things took place that just really shook me up (don't worry mom nothing dangerous). But emotionally I left feeling like an utter wreck. I cried... and cried... and cried some more. Went to the Clark's house... and cried... and cried... and cried some more. I started to carry the burden of hopelessness. I mean how can you not? How can you not be effected so deeply by a person who is in so much agony? I mad the decision to go to the Clarks because I live alone and the thought of going home to an empty apartment feeling this way just did not appeal to me. I had a good talk with my friends/bosses. We prayed, we talked about things to be done and that night God started opening doors. I spoke with some of our other volunteers about getting together to process our experiences and brainstorm a little more as a collective group on how to better serve our friends. I remember uttering, barely, the words that I have no control in this situation. I even faintly remembering challenging God's abilities to work his miraculous love in this situation. Kind of one of those "i believe but help me with my disbelief" moments... you know the ones I'm talking about right? Anyway, I'm typing all of this to say that we can't do any of this on our own. We can't make significant constant changes in peoples lives without God. Okay before you start critiquing me, (just in case there are non-christians reading things), I believe people can make changes without God. I believe there are incredible people out there who do not believe in a higher power or who believe in that higher power differently from me. But a true life change that is continual with a purpose, I believe comes from Christ. And for me, I had to surrender my longing to fix everything on my own. I had to quit being such a stubborn woman and realize that I'm in a beautiful partnership with a God who wants nothing more than to unleash his blessings on people. I encourage you to find something in your life that you're trying to fix on your own and give it to God. It may take a long time before you can actually fully give it to God but just try. Love you all.

The Simple Way

2010-03-13T23:17:00.000-08:00

A couple of nights ago, I went and saw Shane Claiborne here in Portland. He is hilarious. I guess I didn't realize what an accent he had! It was great. I loved listening to his stories of how God has worked and changed the lives of the people who these group of Christians come into contact with. So this made me examine my life... of course... and just thinking a lot about how I'm living my life differently. What more could I be doing in order to glorify God with my life.

So many ideas so many simple yet difficult ideas. I read one of the most perfect chapters tonight. Romans chapter 12. I would encourage you to read it line by line and just process it. It's like a summary of who Jesus was. Not the things he said but the way he lived. Simple things but so difficult. Simple when we allow the Spirit to lead us. Much more difficult when we are focused on our own wants and desires. I'm as guilty as the next person. I love the part that talks about "not thinking too highly of yourself." Don't we all need to hear that? Humbling yourself... such a simple idea yet so difficult. I'm going to paste the chapter down below. I love it. It is so so encouraging. And it just reminds me why I want to live differently. God gives you peace and purpose. I love that peace and I don't think I could live my life without purpose. Any way, this may or may not be super familiar to you but just absorb it again. OH and if you haven't read Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, then you need to! The way they are living isn't a new thing but it is new to our generation and extremely appealing! Enjoy!

Romans 12

Living Sacrifices

¹Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. ²Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

³For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. ⁴Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function,⁵so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. ⁶We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. ⁷If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; ⁸if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Love

⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. ¹⁸If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord. ²⁰On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. ²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Retrospect

2010-02-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was so so wonderful.

We had about 20 women coming together to talk about how God works in the lives of imperfect women. Thank you to all of you who prayed for this time to be a success. It was!! God was present and I feel so much closer to so many of the women I've spent time with over the last 9 months. God is doing great things. God is amazing, he alone should be praised for this. I am filled with a lot of joy today for life and for Portland and for ministry. It is always so great to have a day where you just feel like God is replenishing you. Today is one of those days. You all are a blessing. I love you. thank you for your prayers and continued support!

Disclaimer.... this is pretty intense....

2010-02-18T23:42:00.000-08:00

So tonight was a support group meeting and then I came home and turned on my television and started watching CSI which happened to be about human trafficking tonight. Tonight was one of those nights. So I had to write it out. I played the piano. belted out a song. but then ended up writing. This is just where I hear so many of my friends in my group talk about where they are. How they see themselves. Anyway. here's a glimpse into the lives of these women. Sorry if this is too much but you can consider this the "G" rated version of the stories I hear.

2/18/10

'Nameless'

I scream and yell.

but no one is there to hear.

I bang my hands on the walls.

I feel nothing but fear.

I'm trapped within a body so abused.

My brain tells me I am nothing more than an object to be used.

He beats me, he tells me he loves me.

He hurts me but I can't walk away.

The finer things rest within the hands that strangle me.

I cannot eat without giving in.

I walk and walk I give and get nothing but somehow he takes even more.

There is not one ounce of who I am left.

Only a couple of bills and my shortness of breath.

I stare into this image reflected off of the glass.

I don't recognize this face. I've lost myself in this place. People say I should walk away, but to what I ask?

I have no skills considering I've been raped since the time I turned four.

I've been told this is what I was made for.

No idea what to do.

I'm so lost and so confused. I'm nothing; a waste of a body with no soul.

I'm empty and rotting.

This life has swallowed me whole.

I look to my left to try and take a new step and I get spit on, beaten down til I remember all of my debt. You see he tells me he owns the very air I use and for each breath that I take, he gets to choose.

Which car I enter.

Which trick to please,what will it be tonight?

A blow job?

or do you want me to just hold you tight?

Pay up for this time you've used with a woman you will leave forever bruised.

Well if not you then him but who am I kidding?

If it's not on my face it's in my mind.

You have infected me for all of time with the poison of lies.

Telling me all that I'm worth is this dime.

Lies, lies, Lies, LIES!!

I am more than your stupid score.

I am more than a two cent whore.

I am more than what you force me to be.

I don't know who I am, but now i begin searching....

I leave this open ended because the women that survive prostitution have such a long journey ahead of them. Without a support system, there is no telling what will happen. They are beautiful women who have been stripped of their humanity. Pray for them. Love them. Be Jesus to them.

The God of Imperfect Women

2010-02-16T12:40:00.001-08:00

This coming weekend we are having our first (hopefully annual) Women's Retreat. I'm really pretty excited about it. It will be a weekend for all of us to come and hear from different women about how to come closer to God. I have been given the task of coming up with a talk about how Scripture is a huge part of learning about God but also experiencing God. we are breaking it down into 3 parts. Prayer and meditation, Scripture and Experience, and Gratitude. It should be a wonderful time with my sisters at Agape. I'm so very excited.

So I'm working on my talk and of course I always get so nervous but I know that God will get his message through me. He has a grand ability to do that. I'm wanting to focus on how God works through women in the Bible and not only that but he works through the women who society believes are nobody's. They are worse than nobodies; they are the lowest of the low in societies eyes. I am so encouraged that the God we serve is one who takes people in their most difficult times and loves them and provides for them, as well as displays his glory through these women. There are so many women in the Bible and all of them have such unique stories and backgrounds and experiences with God. I just love that because it is so applicable to our lives now. God is using us no matter where we come from, what we've done in our past, or where we THINK we are going in our futures. It is a beautiful thing to be able to hand over our hearts to a God who sees us. He is a captivating Lord who wants nothing for us but the greatest life that we can have here on this earth. How grateful I am to be in the presence of such an amazing healer and provider.

Pray for our retreat and that the Lord will speak through us and bring all of us women closer together. Our God is the God of imperfect women and I'm so thankful for that.

Continuation

2010-01-31T00:30:00.000-08:00

So my last post was kind of just me rattling on about things inside of my head. Something I believe I mentioned was about just feeling sometimes "am I doing enough?" or "am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?" We had staff evaluations a couple of weeks ago and we were asked to do a self reflection and we were given a sheet of 10 questions to think about and answer. It really opened my eyes to see everything that God has been doing. At the end of the eval, Ron said that they want me to start reading a book a month. So this month I have been reading a great book. It is called A Simple Path by Mother Teresa. In it she just lays out a plan for people to essentially come closer to God. My favorite page just consisted of this idea. It is labeled The Simple Path and goes as follows...... The fruit of silence is PRAYER. The fruit of prayer is FAITH. The fruit of faith is LOVE. The fruit of love is SERVICE. The fruit of service is PEACE. This just really resonated with me when I looked over it. Somedays I truly feel like I'm making no difference and it really gets me down. God is giving me more and more confidence as the days go by and it's funny how he works. Today (well yesterday) was my 23rd birthday and it was so wonderful. I hadn't picked up this book in a couple of days and the second page I read hit me so hard. I know it was God reassuring me that He has me here for a reason and that I can't get caught up in human expectations and I have to continue to remember simplicity. LOVE. Here is what I read.

"In the West we have a tendency to be profit- oriented, where everything is measured according to the results and we get caught up in being more and more active to generate results. In the East---- especially in India---- I find that people are more content to just be, to just sit around under a banyan tree for half a day chatting to each other. We Westerners would probably call that wasting time. But ther is value to it. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results, teaches us about love. The success of love is in the loving--- it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person , but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done. The more we can remove this priority for results, the more we can learn about the contemplative element of love. There is the love expressed in the service and the love in the contemplation. It is the balance of both which we should be striving for. Love is the key to finding this balance." - Brother Geoff-- A Simple Path

How beautiful it is to have a God who just wants to sit with us under a tree and chat about our lives. That the little things in our lives are so important to him and he cares enough and wants to know us. We matter. And through love we strive to make others feel that. Make them feel that God cares about them and so do we. That they are human and just like us all, made in His image. We are beautiful creatures made for love and community and made for God. That just inspires me. There is a reason for everything and God is mysterious and no one will ever fully understand this creature and lover of human kind. My hope is that we continue to look for ways to be his love to other people. Life is beautiful and people are beautiful and it gets complicated and misunderstood and people are mistreated, but what an opportunity to take the mistreated and give them a new place in life and sit under a tree chatting about the day. My ministry is to love. Pray for me that I always remember to love people. Thanks! Hope February starts out nicely for you all!

Lord Almighty

2010-01-21T22:59:00.000-08:00

Something that is funny to me... Why is it when we tell God he can have our lives, we try to continue to have control over it? Giving God my life is such a journey, some days I want it back but God always has a different plan. This last month has been a tough one. I have felt so many different emotions and allowed myself to keep it all in. God decided he had something different in mind. Last weekend I had a great conversation with a good friend and it turned into everything that was weighing on me just flowed out. I believe some people call it word vomit. Something that God is continually showing me is how much I need community. How I cannot do this life on my own and I can't handle everyone's problems on my own. God is bigger than me and he puts people in all of our lives to help us through anything.

I would be lying to everyone if I said that being in these ministries is easy. It isn't easy. It's hard. It isn't like going to a job where you can clock in and clock out and then go home and not think about what you did all day. There are easier days and there are days that just seem like they won't end. and even when they do end, you still go home and the things you've experienced and learned about and the people you've come into contact with, they stay with you.

That is the price of investing in other people's lives. You set boundaries the best you can, you occupy your free time with things that you enjoy, but ultimately, other people's pain sticks with you. Knowing that people (including children) are being raped and sold into prostitution sticks with you. Knowing that you live in a country where men and women think it is okay to buy another human being for whatever pleases them, sticks with you. Knowing that i ate more tonight for my dinner than most of the world eats in a day, sticks with you. The bottom line is, when you open up your heart and your mind and your eyes to what's wrong in the world, you cannot just walk away from it. You have to have some kind of response. When I told God to use me, he said okay. Some days I beg God to let me just walk away, i think he'd let me, but I can't, and if I'm being honest, I don't really want to. This is what I was made for. To love people who the world rejects. I'm not ashamed of Jesus and I believe he came to earth to give us purpose as well as save us from ourselves. I love people because God loved me with his perfect love through Jesus. I am so imperfect and I know I fail on more than one account but I pray that you know I love you. I also pray that God is showing his love to you through the people you encounter.

People need love, we need community, and we need God. Good thing God is love and he is community. God continues to breaks me apart so that he can make me look more like him. I pray to him that he continues to make me the person he wants me to be... and fancy that... Ask and you shall receive. It's painful but I have already seen the benefits of this time. I have had so many great conversations with so many wonderful people just in the last week alone, that I probably would not have had if God wasn't teaching me how to open my heart and be vulnerable with others. Rejection is a huge fear of mine, but loneliness is what I fear most. So, I risk rejection and hope for relationships. So what did I call this earlier? Word vomit? yeah... welcome to my heart.

Ministry.... or something like that

2010-01-17T15:39:00.001-08:00

Today at Agape we had our ministry fair and it went great! We had about 12 different ministries with sign ups. It was really encouraging to see all of the people who visited the Prayer ministry table and the Anti-trafficking table. For such a small church we sure do have a lot of willing hearts.

It has started raining every day. I don't mind it too much but it really does make it hard to get out of bed in the mornings. But I would honestly take the warmer temperature and the rain over cold windy OK right now....

I'm going to have a game afternoon with some of the Youth girls tomorrow. That should be a lot of fun and we are going to start a small group with them and do something twice a month together. So I have a couple of meetings with a couple of different ladies this week to discuss that.

The women at Agape are also going to have a Women's Retreat where we talk about spiritual disciplines. I'm so so so excited about this and excited to just get to know the ladies of Agape even better. I'm so encouraged by the things I've heard this week about how God is working in other's lives and I can see him working in mine even through the ugliest moments, I know he's there. Pray that God continues to shape all of the people at Agape into being who he longs for them to be. I wish everyone could be a part of my new home with me! :) Love you all and God bless you.

2010 is going to be a great year

2010-01-09T12:23:00.000-08:00

Just some of the things that took place this week.

1)flew back to Portland after a great time at home with family and friends ( love you all)

2) Got reaquainted with my apartment and being in Portland

3) Band practice (have some really ROUGH recordings done)

4)Met with Lila Lee, director of Council for Prostitution Alternatives, for lunch and discussed starting up a Bible study for our women at CPA. Focusing on Strong women of the Bible and how God uses women in every circumstance and from every background.

5) Met with Deputy Keith Bickford of the Multnomah Human Trafficking Department and Chris Killmer with Catholic Charities to discuss this upcoming year and Agape's relationship with the Human Trafficking Task Force in Portland. It is great. Another church is offering Keith 2 acres of land for possible building a safe house. He wants Agape to be involved with this!!

6) Had a great support group meeting with CPA

7)bought curtains for my apartment and a coat rack. (feeling more like home)

8)I did not make any resolutions. I'm just determined for this to be one of the greatest years of my life.

9) God shows me his love everyday through so many amazing people in my life.

10) I grew even more excited for my future.

Please keep praying about our efforts at Agape and the other organizations that we are a part of and that we will be a part of. I'm so excited for this year and what God is going to do. Pray that I stay motivated and passionate about what God has me here for. I have high times and low times but I want prayers that the high times will swamp the low times and make me even more effective for the Kingdom. Please pray. love you all and thanks for reading!

The Door

2010-01-04T09:17:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, before I went home for Christmas, Zak and Kathy Zumwalt had a recovery luncheon for everyone who is in a group with Agape. Zak shared with us about AA and the 12 step program and its origins. He talked about Sam Shoemaker and how he helped write the 12 steps and also became co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. After he died, a poem was found that had been written by Shoemaker. Zak read this poem to us at this luncheon and I had to go and read it again. I really like what it says and I hope it speaks to you as much as it did to me.

An Apologia for my Life

I stand by the door.
I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
it is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
when so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
with outstretched, groping hands,
feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
yet they never find it.
So I stand by the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world
is for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can do
is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands
and put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks
and opens to the man's own touch.

Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
on cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.

Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
and open it, and walk in, and find Him.
So I stand by the door.

Go in great saints; go all the way in -
go way down into the cavernous cellars,
and way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms
and know the depths and heights of God,
and call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in.
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
but my place seems closer to the opening.
So I stand by the door.

There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
for God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia
and want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.
For the old life, they have seen too much:
one taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
to tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
to leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
but would like to run away. So for them too,
I stand by the door.

I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
before they got in. Then they would be able to help
the people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
and forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
but not so far from men as not to hear them,
and remember they are there too.

Where? Outside the door -
thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me -
one of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and wait
for those who seek it.

I had rather be a door-keeper
so I stand by the door.

CPA

2009-12-12T12:22:00.000-08:00

When I was first thinking about coming to Portland, I had asked Lori (my boss and friend) if i could come for the summer and do an internship with her after I graduated. She told me that I should just raise money and come out here for a year. That was something I wasn't expecting. Now it has been over 6 months and I don't know how I would have only been here a summer. Something that I have learned so quickly is that you cannot really shorten ministry. Ministry is so relational and you have to walk with people through life in their ups and downs and ins and outs. 3 or 4 months just would not have been enough time to build a relational ministry. The biggest area I've seen this in is my work with Council for Prostitution Alternatives.

When I began working with this great organization it was a little rocky. We were thinking about shutting it down for a little while to regroup and figure things out. One night, Kathy Zumwalt (agape's women's recovery minister) came and everyone's moral was just down this night. We talked for a long time about what was going on and if what we were doing was helping and Kathy just spoke up and said that we all know that no human ability can help these women despite their best intentions. God is the only one that can change anyone. (This is a secular organization by the way). Kathy then asked if we could all pray for this organization and more than that the thousands of women trapped in prostitution in Portland. We prayed a bold prayer and we believed that God would do something incredible. This all took place about 3 months ago i think. This past Thursday we were looking around and we realized that we have 3 of our women in school right now. I know that this may not seem like a big thing but it is HUGE for these women. I also took one lady to look for cheaper housing last week and there are some promising leads there. These women just need opportunities to change their lives and CPA is giving them direction and resources and companionship to get through it. These women are making progress and I'm so glad that I can be a part of it. I said all of this to show you how God is working and how everything is such a journey and process. We were feeling hopeless and then we finally realized that only God can push his good works forward. So we gave it to God and he has blessed CPA and the women involved.

We will be having a benefit Christmas Party on the 19th which is a week from tonight and it is at the Montavilla Methodist Church at 232 SE 80th Ave., Portland, OR 97215 for any of you in the Portland area. Love you all. Keep praying for our efforts in helping women out of prostitution.

:)

2009-12-11T13:32:00.000-08:00

Aretha Franklin on my Friday off

Advent Conspiracy

2009-11-30T11:24:00.002-08:00

So these last couple of Sundays have been so good for me. A couple of years ago, I ventured to Ghana Africa to learn what it was like to do missions there. Myself and a whole group of college students left the US thinking maybe that we would help others but of course we all came back realizing how this trip had changed our lives. I read a prayer journal that I had written in right after I had returned from Ghana and it was full of prayers for the children that I had met and the leadership at the Village of Hope. Those kids had a huge impact on my life and when I came to Agape, I did not realize that the church I would be working for had helped some of the children that I love so dearly.

Agape partakes in a Christmas story that has the potential to change the world. Advent Conspiracy was created by a couple of churches who decided to give less presents over the holiday season and give more money to an organization that was doing good work in the world. Doing God's work in the world. Agape chose to send money to Touch a Life organization. This is an organization that started out by saving children from slavery then funding them to be able to be a part of the Village of Hope. You can click on the name and find out more about them. All of this brings me back to my first sentence. The last couple of Sundays I have been privileged to speak about my time in Ghana and how I met the children that their money went to. One of the greatest things that this does is it saves lives. 25% of all of the money that is donated goes to clean water wells. Drilling does not cost very much for a group of people to get together to help save lives. So many people die a day from contaminated water. We as US citizens freak out if Ecoli is found in water somewhere. but usually we don't have to worry about such things. Imagine having to worry about it every single day of your life. Worrying if your baby will die because the water isn't clean. It happens. I urge all of you to be a part of something that helps others live. That's what Christmas is about. Love you all!

2009-11-30T11:24:00.001-08:00

My life of Firsts

2009-11-24T12:43:00.000-08:00

Well this week's post will be a little cliche I'm afraid, but I'm sure you'll forgive me.

Of course Thanksgiving is coming up. It is my favorite holiday of the year... why? because you can eat food like this.....

And after you eat food like this..... you and uncle Jimmy will look like this....

I love Thanksgiving... I hate the history... I don't like the killing and the bloodshed and the theft that takes place around Thanksgiving... but I like what we've made of it. It is truly the only Holiday where people come together solely to be with family and friends to share a meal together and reflect on what they are grateful for. I know, I know a lot of you are saying, no Christmas is that time. Let's be real. Everyone is stressed at Christmas and broke. I love the history of the holiday called Christmas but honestly I wish we could make Christmas more like Thanksgiving. Where presents weren't important and we focused on what was really important.

This year is the first year I won't be with family for the Thanksgiving holiday. I will have friends around and obviously good food. But I will truly miss my family during this time. Being away from my family makes me appreciate them more. I find myself calling or texting them every day. Getting updates on their lives trying to use skype whenever possible! (which is by far the greatest invention known to man in my opinion). I love this time of year. It is sunny and 53 degrees today outside. BEAUTIFUL. I'm thankful for the sun. Life is so great. I'll write more later on in the week and hopefully I'll have some pictures of my Thanksgiving meal with friends! And I will have an eventful Thanksgiving morning which I will write more about later! Love you all.

My office is everywhere!

2009-11-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

So despite the fact that Agape now has an office building, I choose to make my office anywhere and everywhere I choose. Today consists of a coffee shop called Coffeehouse Northwest on Burnside and NW Trinity. Here are some pictures of it....

It's a hoppin place.

With great lighting

and trendy people

And creative designs on their drink creations. Also the first time I have drank Dragonfly Chai and actually liked it. This place is a good one. You also can't beat the free WiFi which is where the work comes in. Today I am reading and updating my blog and met a man named Lauren who wanted a burger. This coffee shop is on Burnside which when you drive here from my home, you will see poverty lacing the streets. Burnside holds the majority of the shelters in downtown. People will line up and wait for a bed almost as soon as they are let out for the day. The not so fortunate ones to get a bed will have to find a place on the street or under bridges.

This is Portland. As I sit looking out the window of this great coffee shop, I am also reminded of the poverty that plagues this city. I pray that people will feel compassion. I pray that we continue to do for the least of these. This is the picture of any city in the US. You can find your coffee shops and look out the windows to your hurting brothers and sisters. I pray we never lose what is important in life.

He Sees

2009-11-12T00:39:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks I've been attending a Bible study with one of our Recovery ministers and another friend of mine. We meet with some ladies that come to Agape who live out at Dignity Village. We have been talking about how the 12 step program originated through the church and how it goes along with scripture. We talked today about the first step and we looked at a story in Genesis that just really hit me for some reason. We read the story of when Sarai gave Hagar to Abram to bear him a son. Here are a couple of things I thought about today.

A. Hagar was probably really young and she was given to an 87 year old man... disgusting

B. When we try and take control of God's plan... we screw it up

C. God hears our cries.

The third one is the one I want to focus on. Genesis 6:13... read it... El Roi... that is the name given to God by Hagar. I want to talk about this for two reasons: 1. because this could be and I believe has been, seen as a negative, and 2. because I believe it is one of the most beautiful names given to God.

First, how can it be seen as negative. Since I have been around more and more people who don't know Christ, I get to hear their stories and reasons as to why they don't choose to know Him. A lot of those reasons pertain to how Christians that they have come into contact with, have presented Christ and God. A lot of people who are in the world have been told of this God who is all powerful and how they need to change their secret sins because God knows all and sees all. I don't doubt this for a minute. But a lot of people who are in the world are a LOT like Hagar. They are victims of their circumstances, have decisions been made in their past that directly affect their present, sure. But there is always so much more to the story. We need to listen to those stories. I don't want to spend too much time on this but just to touch on the fact that God seeing us isn't quite the negative thing that some might think it is.

What I see in Hagar is a piece of myself. I think, maybe, everyone can relate to her in some way. We have all gone through something in our lives that was out of our control. Things have happened to us that we could not run away from. We have all been mistreated, neglected, ignored, abused, hurt, abandoned and just about any other harm that Hagar experienced. When Hagar names God El Roi, The God who sees me, it wasn't a shameful statement. In todays society she probably would have been looked down upon. Pregnant by another woman's husband, no place in society except for the maid, no real voice anywhere. But what I find so beautiful is that God spoke up for her. God was able to see her pain and comfort her. God promised her healing and safety. God saw her. In her deepest moment of depression and anxiety, God gathered her up and made her whole. He saw her. And he sees us. In our darkest moments when all we can do is weep, God sees us. When we have been abused and broken, God sees us. When no one in the world can see past the decisions that have defined who we've become, God sees us. He is all powerful, he is all-knowing, but he is also full of grace, full of love, and full of the desire to heal the people that cry out to Him. El Roi. that comforts me

Autumn Day

2009-11-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

Well the sun is out today! the trees are still beautiful. This is my favorite time of year. I would take fall over any other season. I love scarves and cardigans. It may be an obsession perhaps. But there is just something about the crisp air that rejuvenates you. I love it.

Clingy

2009-10-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

I've always heard that being clingy is a bad thing. I would normally agree with this statement but something has been on my heart a LOT lately. So of course I'm feeling the need to write it out and express it here. So here we go.

Romans 12:9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

To my trained eyes, I immediately look at the "hate what is evil" part of this verse. I think as Christians, many of you all may do the same, but I think it is vital why we are hating what is evil. We are hating what is evil because our Love is sincere. We see people doing evil in the world and we hurt for them. We hurt for their victims, we hurt for the futures of everyone involved. We should be so overcome with this sincere love that we see other people's evils and hate that evil, of course not the person. I feel as though that is a given by now ( i hope).

Okay so maybe as Christians we can all say that we have gained this knowledge to hate what is evil. I think something everyone in their lives could work on is clinging to what is good. I love how the Message Version puts it as well "Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good." We aren't called to sit back and be passive we're called to CLING to RUN FOR DEAR LIFE to what is good. I think we all have experienced, whether in our days as high schoolers, or college students where we try and tip toe that line. How much can i get away with and still feel alright about calling myself a Christian or how far is too far? Paul is telling us to not even flirt with these ideas. he's telling us to run away from that and to cling on so tightly to what is good in life. Are we doing that? Are we looking at who God calls us to be and really trying to get the most out of life as being in the kingdom of God? I wonder what it is about our human selves that makes us so unsure if God is faithful, we have it written of his faithfulness. We say we believe in Jesus who is God who is being faithful by coming to earth. Why is it such a struggle? It always has been. Israel struggled, Jesus' followers struggled, we struggle. but through these struggles we should constantly be learning and looking around to see how God provides and how he is being faithful. And we should really stop toeing the line of "how much can i get away with" and start running for our dear lives to what is good, striving for holiness, and striving for maturity. So thinking about all of this, I thing clinginess is necessary. Clinging to God and what God has for his people and the kind of love we are to show those who don't know him. Love sincerely, hate what is evil, and cling to what is good. Cling to God.

In her shoes

2009-10-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

Since I've been here, I've learned more and more how to not take things home with me from the things I experience in ministry.... I'll be honest though. Some things just stick. The lady that I have talked about in my former posts, ( the one that needed rent help) has continued to coming to support groups for getting out of prostitution. We ask her how her week is going. She takes care of her 2 grandchildren because her kids have skipped town. She has no income. The kids don't have shoes for school, they don't have coats for the upcoming cold, they are struggling. What this woman would have done before is turn a trick. She would have given sexual services for profit. this woman is not a horrible person. She is not someone who enjoyed this life. She is someone who did what (she thought) she had to do to put food on the table and get her kids pencils for school. FOR SCHOOL SUPPLIES. Anyone who thinks this is a glamorous lifestyle, please let me change your mentality. It isn't. These women are broken. They have been broken by society, by men, by addictions. They are broken. The most impacting thing I heard this woman say was... "when my cable got turned off, when my kids don't have the things that they need, when rent money is due, and when I have nothing and can't provide necessities for my kids... that's when the knocks at the door at 2 am are hard to ignore. I'm ignoring them but to know on the other side of that door is money that can pay for the necessities, that is the hardest battle."

I just pictured this woman in bed and at 2 am hearing a banging on the door. The internal conflict to not answer. How hard it is to need so much but have so little to provide. I can never say I understand what this woman and countless other women go through. All I can do is provide compassion and a listening ear. God is bigger than all of this. Only he can change hearts and open up doors. I have faith that he is doing those things and that he can conquer these issues. Comfort the hearts of the broken hearted, instill in men's minds that soliciting a prostitute is NOT okay. The sex industry is a name given to one of the most evil things in the world. It forces children into horrible acts, it makes it okay for men and women to treat other human beings as mere objects and not humans. So please, address sexual issues in your own lives and encourage others who are in the faith to begin a road to recovering from addictions of all kinds. Just like all sin, it ruins people's lives. On and on and on down the line. Love yourself and your neighbor enough to cling to what is good. I love you all.

All in God's good timing

2009-10-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

God hears the yells of our hearts. Last week was a VERY rough week. Last Sunday was a hard day. It was a very lonely day and one that I just had to pray a LOT. I was looking forward to the end of the week already. THEN I had to go and get sick. Awesome. But I had a lot of time to read and be with God. Then this weekend one of my best friends came to visit me. Nicole Poindexter is one of the biggest blessings in my life. I have made some really good friends since I've been here, but there is just something about being with one of your friends who has been with you through so much for so many years. Nicole is a Spirit-led God minded person. We were able to talk about life and God and everything that entails. We laughed.... boy did we laugh. we always do. I told God that I was needed to be comforted and he sent me one of the greatest people. Probably the greatest thing that Nicole did for me this weekend was to pray with me. Last night we prayed together and just hearing her bold words and her confidence in me. I thank God for that kind of boldness.

Yesterday we went downtown and we took some homeless folks out to lunch. It was so great to be able to do ministry with one of my best friends. We met some great people who are having a rough time. My heart goes out to them because as I sit in my somewhat warm apartment, these people are sleeping on the streets in the rain and cold and wind (that makes it feel like Oklahoma!) What we do is take them to lunch and just talk. I don't know what good it does really but I just pray that God is seen through our efforts of conversation. I am blessed to be where I am being a part of what I do. I hope you all are well. COME VISIT ME! :)

love,

danna

Everything I had imagined

2009-10-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

As Dr. Cornell West puts it... Justice is what love looks like in Public.

Call + Response was everything I thought it would be. A year ago, around this time, I was sent a link by my friend Luke. This link was to a website called callandresponse.com This website was the first time that I really realized that Human Trafficking and Slavery exist in our world today. When I think of slavery, I think of the atrocities that took place years ago when people from Africa were forced to work on this soil. I can not even begin to imagine how one human being could believe it was okay to own another human being and put them through so much pain and torture.

When I received the link to this site, I watched the trailer to the movie. Justin Dillon, who I believe, is a Christian artist, decided to get some other musicians together to do a benefit concert. What he decided was that it would be easier to film the different artists in their own cities and put together what he calls a "rockumentary." He also had other speakers in this film, actors and ambassadors, congressmen and journalists. And my personal favorite, Dr. Cornel West. A year ago, I was inspired to learn more about Human Trafficking and what I can do as a normal everyday person. Now I am involved with a church that cares about this problem. I am able to sit with women who have lived it; I am able to be a part of organizing meetings for people who want to learn more. Of course I wish I could organize a HUGE protest or rally that marches through the streets and brings more awareness to the world. Maybe someday... What is important is that people are becoming more fired up about this topic. People are wanting to change things. We as the human race have GOT to stop treating each other less than human. Profit is not as important as souls. Selling a 3 year old for sex is not a good business transaction. Forcing men and women into domesticated roles and gardening positions for little or no pay is not a good business transaction. We have got to see people as humans. This whole topic completely goes along with what my life verse is and what I named this blog after Proverbs 21:8-9. "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

As Christians, we cannot look the other way. We have to be informed, we HAVE to love our neighbor, and we HAVE to find it within ourselves to do something. ANYTHING. Tell one person you work with about this problem. Tell people about callandresponse.com. Donate 30 bucks a month. Let's not be ignorant to the evils of this world. We have to believe that we can change things. WE have to believe that we can make life better because not only is it the humane thing to do, it is the Christian thing to do. We hold a more abundant life in our message, and we should be pushing each day to share that abundant life with people we know and people we don't know. God looks out for the oppressed... and so should we.

Uh Oh... Under the Weather

2009-10-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

So I hate being sick... and I mean HATE it.... when all you want to do is feel like yourself but you can't because your nose is pressurized and your throat screams at you but you cannot do anything. No you can just drink hot tea and take medication. It is gross. I hate it. BUT never fear, hopefully today will be the only sick day because tomorrow I will be heading downtown with Ron Clark and anyone else from Agape who can go. We'll try and find some people asking for food or money and take them to breakfast or lunch. Which ever we get down there in time for. I'm pretty excited for it because it has been a couple of weeks since we spent the day downtown. I love this part of ministry. Where you go and interact with people. And just learn about them. Learn their names and their stories. When other people look the other way or... give money... then look the other way, we have this unique opportunity to look these people in the face and listen to their words. You never will know what you can learn from another human being until you really hear their words. Not sure what God will teach us tomorrow but I know it will be something Huge. It always is. It makes me laugh because Ron always makes me "process" everything when we leave meetings or after we leave downtown. It's good for me though. Because sometimes I just push everything down and one day it just explodes and I struggle to make sense of any of it. So it is great to work for people who are consistently encouraging me to think about what I'm learning and work through the things I've seen and heard and experienced.

On Thursday night I'm going to the showing of Call and Response. Just the trailer alone is what got me interested in the fight against Human Trafficking. I am really excited to see the movie now that I'm in a city that is big enough to host it! Home Community starts tonight and I am more than excited about it! then this weekend one of my best friends is coming to see me. Miss Nicole Poindexter! I'm so very excited to share Portland with her! This week is going to be great (minus the cold). Guys just keep praying that God uses me in little everyday ways. I don't need anything big, I just want to know I'm useful! Thanks and have a wonderful DAY!

-Danna

A New Adventure

2009-09-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

My brother and I had a conversation last Saturday. We were talking about how we wanted to read more of the Bible for ourselves. We laughed at how our images of the Bible stories in the Old Testament are forever implanted in our minds as little flannel Jesus with his arms open and a never changing look on his face. Moses somehow transfers from a baby in basket to having a staff as an old man. all in a lovely little felt cut out. This conversation got me thinking later that day that I wanted to read all the way through the Bible. My good friends the Ackerman's got me the Message Bible when I graduated from OC. So I looked at how many pages it has. 1720. I thought to myself... I wonder how long it would take if I read 50 pages a day.... 34.4. So I then changed my mind to only doing 25 pages a day.... 68.8 days. I called my brother that night and told him about my idea and asked him if he'd like to join me on this adventure. He told me he'd call me the next day. He called me and said he had gotten the Message and would start on Monday! I was so excited! Just to clarify, we both understand that for a more in depth study on Scripture, we should use a different translation because the Message is a paraphrase. But I have to say, I'm in day three and I've never really understood God's love and I am getting just a glimpse of it in these first 3 jampacked days of reading!

We have gone from Adam and Eve to Joseph in Egypt! that is a LOT. Yesterday was a tough day with all of the stories that we consumed but it is incredible to read these stories for myself. Daryl and I have talked the last 2 days about what we've read and noticed for ourselves. I have enjoyed it so much so far! I would encourage anyone who has never read through the Bible, to try this method out! In the introduction, Eugene H. Peterson expresses that the reason why he worked for 10 years to create this paraphrase was to simply get people interested in reading again. Everybody is invited on this journey! So far it has been incredibly interesting to me! Love you guys! Hope your last day of September treats you so very nicely!

Spiritual Support

2009-09-25T14:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a firm believer in it. This past week was one of those weeks when you just take inventory of your life and start to question if you're doing all that you can in your work. I felt like these last couple of weeks came and went and I had projects to get on that I hadn't started and I just really started to feel down. Then I realized I knew why I wasn't feeling whole. I hadn't picked up the word in a while. I met with one of our soon to be elder's wives named Tresa. She is an amazing woman. She just prayed with me and listened to me and prayed with me some more. We're going to start meeting ever other wed just to talk and pray and catch up on life. She's a wise woman and I'm excited to get to know her better. I went to lunch today with a new friend but I didn't eat all of my sandwich. So there's this little lady that stands down on the corner and I always see her and I've always wanted to invite her in for some dinner. (don't freak out anybody i know that you all have a tendency to do that). But for today I just went to the corner and asked her name and gave her the half of the sandwich. Her name is Judy and she is really really sweet. I look forward to having more encounters with her. Tonight I believe I'm going to Kayla's for home made pizza and grey's even though i watched it last night! I'm glad to get to know my new friends better. It's been really great. I miss my family and friends back home. But you all know that I love you very much! :)

I will leave you with something I wrote on a bank receipt a while back. Sometimes you just have to write.

Sit down and breathe

What is your life for?

Is your purpose evident?

Does it scream at you as you walk down the street?

Can you feel it with every single beat of the heart that pumps your blood traveling to your legs?

Is it begging you to get up and go?

But wait....

hold on....

just sit down and breathe.

That's what you're told to do, you're young

You've got time, while the people on the street lay in waste and die

Breathe but not while sitting,

no rise up and scream!!!

Let your breath be full of justice,

Let it wake up the neighbors from their peaceful sleep.

Get creative

Start a revolution

Because if not you.... than who?

Those people are waiting...

Waiting to be loved

Breathe....

What are you going to do?

::Update::

2009-09-17T15:08:00.001-07:00

So the lady that I had written about yesterday who went into detox got out yesterday. I received a phone call from her and it was very encouraging. Sometimes I only get calls from these women if they need something (which i've grown a bit accustomed to) but this woman just wanted to tell me how she was doing and give me an update. She stayed the whole time in detox and suffered thorough the program but said that she was having a really hard time with wanting to get loaded the second she got out. She asked me how my visit with my mom was and was wondering how I was doing. I felt so blessed that through all of her agony and pain she had been going through, that she remembered my mom had come that weekend. But then she asked me if I would pray for her during this period of recovery. I told her we could pray right on the phone together and we did. I know that God is opening this door for a reason. I asked her if she'd like to come to Agape this coming Sunday and she said yes. I didn't even know that Zak would be preaching about recovery groups and being a part of a community that will help you be better and keep you accountable. I'm telling you all, God works. I'm excited to see how my friend responds to church. I hope and pray that God moves her heart and she finds Agape to be a place she can take refuge. Please pray for her because this time in her life is a very difficult one. As some of you may know, addictions are hard to break. I'm just glad she's willing to let me be a part of her process. Love you all! Keep praying, and let me know if I can pray about something for you! God bless.

A hopeless world

2009-09-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

These last couple of weeks have been a blur. Between Faith Quest (a youth camp), hearing horrible news about families in pain at home, and then my mom's wonderful visit this past weekend, it has all gone by so quickly! I can't believe that September is half-way over. It is absolutely astonishing. My mom left yesterday and it was very sad. I had enjoyed having her here so much. We enjoyed going to the coast and fellowshipping with people here in Portland. Not to mention we shopped a bit! :) okay so we shopped a LOT! ::thanks mom::

In this last week i have had 2 different women tell me that suicide has crossed their minds because of the situations they were in. One lady is a woman I met through CPA (council for prostitution alternatives). I took her to do her laundry after the pipes in her building busted. She was going into detox the next day and just needed some clean clothes and some clean sheets to come home to. She is an amazing woman. She has children who don't speak to her because she has been in and out of prostitution and drugs. She's trying this time to make it right. She's admitting that she has a problem and wants to get real help before she ends up in jail or even worse dead. She told me that this round of relapse had really caused her to want to take her own life. The other woman that I don't have a very good relationship with, is one that just is having a horrible time. I tried to tell her how i could help her but my help wasnt enough. That will happen in this ministry. I tried to tell both of these women that they have reasons to live. But what gives your life meaning? Family, friends, love, being in a community. So what happens when someone's family hates them, when friends are drug dealers and pimps? what happens when you've been living a life totally focused on self because you've had to survive? how, as a Christian, do you not only love people but help people change their lives. Don't get me wrong, I realize that I will NOT change everyone's situations. I am not under the illusion that i have the capacity to do that but it is so hard when you try to help and it back fires.

I know that all I can do is to continue to love people. God will open doors and He will get us through it all. I'm learning to not be a caretaker in relationships with people. I'm learning a lot about ministry and how difficult it is to try and help everyone you meet but also how you can never stop trying because maybe only one person will respond but God is working. He is a mysterious God and isn't giving me all of the answers but I know that his plan makes sense. So with all of that being said, something else I'm learning is to take one day at a time and give up control to God. And love people but that has already been said! :) Go with God today and love someone who otherwise wouldn't be loved. In that, you'll love Christ, you'll know Christ, and you'll be Christ.

downsides

2009-09-09T01:35:00.000-07:00

I had a good talk with Kathy today (the women's recovery minister at Agape) and we were talking about blogging and keeping people up to date on what we're doing. She brought up a really good point about how we should be as realistic as possible when it comes to our ministries... so here it goes....

It is hard. It is hard because sometimes I want to be a control freak and know that I'm doing some kind of good here. I believe God is working, but it is difficult in a society that ranks progress by numbers to show how God is working and on top of that how God is working through me. I've shared a lot of stories in this blog of how I've seen God using me here but to every story I've shared that may be inspirational or exciting... i could probably share six more that would, to most people, look like failures. When you work with people who are hurting and lost, there will be let downs; people won't show up for lunch, women will call asking you for money, people will ask for your advice and then not take it. You will witness people you love in your church continue to struggle through addictions and relapse and victories. It can be ugly and dark and lonely and hard. but the one thing I have to continue to remind myself and anyone who will listen is that God is doing HIS work. His plan is being carried out and I'm just someone who is here praying to Him to use me every day. Much like so many of you are.

Kathy also brought up a good point. She was telling me a story about how her and her husband Zack were outside a Safeway (grocery store) and a man was asking for spare change. They asked him what he needed and he said razors and soap. She thought about what he needed long after they had bought it for him. She said that she was no different from him, and neither am i. I came here because you all believed that God was going to use me and you're supporting me financially. I am the least of these. I thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart, for believing that God is using me in his plan here in Portland.

This week has been a very sad one. I learned yesterday that 5 people from my home Church died in a plane crash. I was stunned. I still am. The Lesters and the Vetetos are such great people. Please keep Cody, Carissa, Carrie Veteto, and Sarah and Matt Lester in your prayers. They all lost family due to the crash and I can't imagine the struggle they are going through right now. My heart breaks for all of these friends and I wish I had any kind of words to give but all we can do is pray and love. God is a perfect God even when we don't understand the horrible things in life. We can never forget he is a perfect God.

Thank you for your support and love and for praying for me and all of those in need.

After the last one

2009-09-04T09:20:00.000-07:00

So the other God thing that happened yesterday.... here we go.

A couple of weeks ago, 3 street kids came into Agape. Their names are James John and Kay. James and Kay are dating and John is James' best friend. They are so so young and it just kills me that they are on the street. They have come back to Agape a couple of times but I hadn't seen them in a couple of weeks. Well like I said in my last post ( i think) us ladies were going to go downtown to eat lunch yesterday but Lori had an appointment at 2:30 in south east so i offered up some random restaurant that I had passed by my apartment the day before. I thought Lila had mentioned this restaurant but she doesn't remember suggesting it but for some reason it was on my mind. So we went. We had our whole lunch as stated before and Lila left for her next appointment. Lori and I sat there for about 10 minutes and I see this kid out of the corner of my eye. I look at lori and i say... "is that John?" and she said i dunno but is that Kay? and so I looked and they were getting a glass of water from this restaurant. They were getting up to leave so I kind of ran after them and asked if they wanted to stay for lunch. So they came and sat with us and I looked over at the waitress for her to come back over. When she got off of the phone she came over and she asked them if they were about ready to leave. I had to quickly tell her we were going to buy them lunch. Lori told me later that she had talked to the waitress on the way to the bathroom and said thank you for looking out for us but that we knew these kids and that they were good kids. The waitress said that she knew they were and figured most were. I was encouraged that there were places that would at least offer our friends water and allow them to sit in this restaurant. I learned a lot about these two yesterday. I learned that they are younger than I am. I learned that James (who i had called john accidentally earlier) has a mother who is addicted to crack in florida... and Kay had parents that lived fairly close to where we were. I invited my friends over to lunch today because I simply have food that I can't eat by myself and because I want to get to know these guys better. Pray for these 3 and their plans for life and that they won't give up on a future because they have time to make changes. I love how God works in crazy ways, but I love that it is so obvious!! Love you all and I hope you have an amazing Labor Day!

God is good

2009-09-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

Today Lori and I met with a lady that I have grown to love so much over the past couple of months. Lila Lee is the founder and director of Council for Prostitution Alternatives and has been doing this stuff completely by herself for 3 years. Well I haven't really been sure what my role is in CPA and why God has me in there but it is slowly being revealed to me. What Lila wants to do is sooooo incredibly countercultural in our sex-centered society that thinks porn is okay and that women in prostitution are choosing it completely. We have an issue of allowing porn to be something that is a cultural "norm" and we have a problem with believing that sex should be an industry.... WHAT?? Sex should not be an industry. And people say that these women should just stop doing what their doing yet if there wasn't demand for it then they would be out of a job. It is even more important that men take a stand and be different and start telling women that they are made for more than that. If there was no demand then the supply would begin to decrease. What Lila has been trying to do is to change people's mentalities and address prostitution as a human's rights violation. She's an incredible woman.

Now back to why I believe God has me involved. Last Thursday was the 2nd week in a row that now women came to the support group. Lila was so incredibly discouraged and Kathy Zumwalt (Agape Women's recovery minister) and I were there to listen. We just sat and we listened and the Holy Spirit moved Kathy to ask for prayer. That is the first time that prayer has been brought into this group. Lila was ready to be done, ready to call it quits. So we just listened and then we talked. I told her some good wisdom that i have learned from the Clarks. I told her that she had to take time for herself. She is in one of the darkest parts of our world and she's there every day. She is called every hour of the night with horrible stories being told on the other end. She has been consumed. I told her to find something to make her happy and find a hobby and to take a break. I was surprised that she even took any advice from me at all. It was a great meeting. Then two days later, I get a phone call from Lila. She was calling to ask my advice about what she should do in a situation with one of the women she is trying to help. She has been at this for so long with no outsider to turn to for a second opinion. I was so happy to be able to be that support for her to encourage her to take a step back and do what's best for her. She's going to close down the services part of CPA to get thing situated for a while. I was so glad to hear that because she will come back with a much better outlook on what she can do for these women. Today I just wanted Lila and Lori to meet because they both work with abused women and I know that it helped Lila to know there are people out there who are struggling with this same evil.

The second part of this lunch meeting will come tomorrow! God has given you gifts. use them and thank God for the opportunities to.

oh so hilarious

2009-08-31T14:28:00.000-07:00

So i thought i would share a couple of funny happenings from last week... I got peed on by a child.... yep... it's true... it happened... and i was not holding the child who just happened to have an unfortunate mishap... nope i was sitting minding my own business and a child peed on a step behind me and it got all up on my cardigan... NOT COOL. The mother of the child didn't say a word to me, if it wasn't for my friend kayla i probably would have walked all over Portland with toddler pee on my back and THEN i probably would have hung that very sweater back in my closet... GROSS!

Also... a less dramatic story but it made me laugh, i saw a full size dog with a hoodie on the other day. it made me laugh quite a bit! i have a picture of it on my phone but i don't know how to get that on here so just imagine it and giggle with me.

This week has been a good one. God is blessing us with cloudy mornings and sunshining afternoons! Agape cancelled services yesterday to work on Lincoln high school's property... it was a great testament to the kind of church I'm able to be a part of. We serve Portland. and we'll continue to do so! Good luck to all of my friends who are starting classes again! Love you all and thank you for taking time out to read up on what my mind spits out! blessings to you all! and an abundance of love every day.

Instead of a Show

2009-08-28T00:34:00.001-07:00

I just downloaded a new cd off of iTunes by the lead singer of Switchfoot, Jon Foreman. I have just been listening through it and this song I had to listen to more than once... He is writing this song out of Isaiah 1 and I think it speaks to us all today. Go listen to it on youtube or download the cd! It's called Instead of a Show...

I hate all your show and pretense
the hypocrisy of your praise
the hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show

Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stop up my ears when your
singing 'em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood
of justice
An endless procession of righteous
living, living
Instead let there be a flood
of justice
Instead of a show

your eyes are closed when you're praying
you sing right along with the band
you shine up your shoes for services
but there's blood on your hands

you turned your back on the homeless
and the ones that don't fit in your plans
quit playing religion games
there's blood on your hands

Ah! let's argue this out
if your sins are blood red
let's argue this out
you'll be white as the clouds
let's argue this out
quit fooling around

give love to the ones who can't love at all
give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
stand up for the ones who can't stand up at all
instead of a show
I hate all your show

Learning

2009-08-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

I am learning so much. I am reading. I am trying to figure out what my purpose is. I'm praying. God is good of this I'm certain. I'm trying to make sure that I am seeing people through God's eyes and not my own... and working on making them the same. I've been told there are days in ministry when you'll question your purpose. I found myself doing a bit of this in the last couple of days. When stuff like this happens, I think it is only natural to kind of freak out because in one moment you can be so strong and know EXACTLY what you're doing and the next it's like you never really knew at all. I think this is when God works on the people he loves. When he gently reminds us that we are not in control of anything. That it is not WE that are making the decisions for his Kingdom but him and him alone, all we can do is partner with him in this journey. Last night I was in this state of questioning and praying to God for guidance and answers and I re-read a letter that one of my best friends had written me the day I said goodbye to him. In one part of the letter he tells me that..... "I feel like i have to offer you some kind of advice- Portland might not be smooth and I know you know that. God may put many stumbling blocks in your way but please always remember that HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. Whenever anything discouraging happens, remember that and just trust in him even more because his perfect will is being lived out."

I have to admit when i first read this 4 months ago, I kind of thought " oh it won't be difficult" HA this letter along with a certain book my mother made for me really encouraged me last night. It reminded me why I'm here, not because of anything I've done or am doing, but because I'm willing and God has sent me here. I know this is his plan and I am trying to learn patience as he slowly reveals his path for me to walk upon. Like my friend said, there will be tough times but I do believe that God wants me to lean on him more and more each day and ask him where he wants me to go and who he wants me to meet and love and share life with. That is my purpose each day and I just hope and pray that I continually pursue God's will and ask Him to make his plan evident in my life. I love you all and I hope you are all praying this same prayer with me. You are all an encouragement to me and I know so many of you are doing such great works for the Kingdom every day. I admire each of you and am praying for your daily ministries wherever God has led you. I love you.

realization

2009-08-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

So I wrote the before post last night while I was still a little heated about the whole conversation. I thought about rewriting it this morning but then I decided that I have to leave it so I can convey my next thoughts.

Two days ago I had just gotten back from Tulsa and I was so glad to be back in Portland but I was feeling kind of down. I wasn't sure what it was but I just started praying that God would fill me with the Holy Spirit and that he would ignite my passion. Sometimes we pray for things like these and we don't realize when God is answering those prayers. A good example is when we pray for patience but when the guy in front of us cuts us off in traffic or the person next to us at work is getting on our last nerve, we don't see that as God working on our patience. We have to open our eyes. I found out last night that I am still very very passionate and that I never want to stop doing this kind of work where I'm in the lives of people who are hurting. I know that my place is to love these people and to let God use me. That is my passion. That is what I know and understand that God wants me to do. I would even go as far as to say that is what he wants all of us to do. So i'm grateful for the conversation I had last night because I hadn't been challenged in quite some time about why I was doing this. I know it is because God wants me here and that's good enough for me. If my path changes to a different kind of ministry at some point, then I will follow that path. Until then I am convinced that I am supposed to be doing exactly this. Love you all and thank you for your prayers.

Not everybody's going to get it

2009-08-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

So I was invited to a friend's house this evening. It is difficult sometimes, now, to have normal upbeat conversations with people that i meet because they are always interested in what exactly it is that I do. To be honest, I'd be interested to know exactly what I do. I keep having faith that God is doing things through me that I don't even know about so that I could never take the credit. but that is all beside the point. Tonight was the first time, since I've been here, where I basically felt like I was being told that what I'm doing is really irrelevant to the grand scheme of things. I sat in a house for hours at a dinner table being asked why I wanted to be involved in Human Trafficking at all and that it doesn't seem like there is room for ministry in that. I was then told that I "just hadn't been given the right contacts or the right opportunities since I've been here and that there must be something for me to do while I'm doing this internship...." This all came from a very nice man that I met but he really had no idea what he was talking about. he made good points about how maybe I should get my masters in social work (which i've thought about), but it just kind of seemed like he was trying to fix a problem for me that didn't exist, in fact he was intent on giving me advice on something I had not even asked for advice about. I felt like I was being told that God wasn't using me so much right now but if I were just given the right people then I could start something. I have to be honest, I wasn't offended so much as I just felt frustrated. This man was telling me of all these things I should be a part of such as working with at risk kids at a camp this summer. His wife was standing there and she said "as a matter of fact, that sounds like something I'd like to be a part of" and he literally looked at her and laughed and completely disregarded her statement as if that was below her. He kept telling me what Agape should be involved in and how we could be a good influence on a camp and on and on. All I wanted to say is why can't you do the same? Why does it have to be Agape? Why don't you start that ministry at your church and get people involved at your church to do some of these things that you are so quick to push our way. When I expressed to him that we were a church of 75-100 it didn't seem to register that his church (of over 500 i'm sure) had many people and many resources that could have easily been put towards some of his ideas. I sat near this man as he drilled me with questions of why I am doing the things that I am. I welcome these kinds of questions and I welcome people challenging my beliefs and my actions because it causes me to reflect on that very question, "what am I doing." And I love the answer, NOTHING. I am doing absolutely nothing. I am a mere vessel that allows God to do whatever he wants. I'm here, I'm open, and I'm begging God to continue to direct me and guide me to people who are hurting who the world is not reaching out to. I wanted to ask this man how many homeless friends did he have or when was the last time he took the time to get to know a woman who is in prostitution. It is very easy to sit in an elevated position and look down on the world and say that we just need to tell people about Jesus. It is much more difficult to live WITH the people and love them as Jesus loved them. I really challenge anyone who reads this (if you're out there) to get to know someone who is so very different from you that it is almost uncomfortable to try and have a conversation. If you look around and all of your friends look exactly like you, you might want to change things up a little bit. Allow someone to challenge you because it only makes you think harder and become stronger in your convictions and hopefully your love. I'm grateful for tonight and for this eye-opening event and I'm grateful to be a part of a church that is not only telling people the good news of Jesus but is also getting their hands dirty in showing the love of Jesus. Love you all so much and I am blessed to have you in my life.

community

2009-08-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how God works through his people. I've become a firm believer that community is what people need. Older men teaching younger men and being examples and older women teaching younger women. People looking out for each other. Helping in times of crisis, celebrating in times of victories, and loving each other because that's what we're here for. This last week has been a tough one with a loss of Christopher, an 8 month old baby at Agape, and just different things that have taken place but one thing I can always count on is having people around who support each other. I know that I can walk into Agape on a Sunday and hug people who understand it all. It has been wonderful having my brother here. We've ventured around and hiked and spent some time with our cousin Jimmy who lives about an hour away. We've had good chats about life and I'm glad he's been able to have some more in depth conversations with people like Ron who know a whole heck more about life then i do! We've just really had fun exploring. I'm glad he likes it here as well! who knows maybe he'll move up here someday! :) or maybe it'll just be a great place for him to come visit! I've just been very encouraged by people's compassion recently and seeing Christians step up to help out families in need. It's great to see the gospel in action. I'm very fortunate to be a part of a church that takes loving people seriously. Thank you for your prayers

disbelief

2009-08-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

Do you ever hear a story and wonder how it could be true. It's not that you don't believe WHAT the person is saying, just that you cannot actually believe that there is so much cruelty in the world. I heard one of those stories today. A lady that i spend some time with just kind of spilled it out like it was just yesterday in her memory. It was one of those stories that you had to just think on for a minute. And then it hits you that that kind of thing happens to people. Violence happens to people. And you have to wonder why do some humans actually believe that they have the RIGHT to treat others as property. It makes me so sad but at the same time gives me hope that Christianity has so much room in situations like this. When you can look into the eyes of someone and tell them that they deserve better than what they have had and that you can truly believe in your heart that they do. There is a better life out there. There are people who will love you unconditionally and pick your spirits up off of the ground when they have been broken.

This week has been a trying one but I must say having my brother here has helped a LOT. He got here on tuesday and rented himself a bike and has been hauling himself around when i'm not here! I'd be really intimidated to do such a thing but he just took his gps and the bike and found where he wanted to go! We're going on some hikes this weekend and spend some time with our cousin Jim who lives in Silverton. It will be a great time! We played disc golf today... needless to say... i'm HORRIBLE at it! but i'm willing to get better! AND it has been in the 60's all day. I loved it! i got to wear my hoodie and that made me happy! Life is a beautiful thing. May we never take it for granted.

drained

2009-08-03T23:34:00.000-07:00

So the last couple of weeks I've had this question asked numerous times "so what do you do on a day to day basis?" and the answer to that question is i have NO idea! I say that because every single day looks so very different from the day before. Last week we were having an extreme heat wave for Portland and Lori and I talked about it being a slow week. This week is anything BUT slow.

Starting yesterday, a group of us helped move one of our member's stuff out of her house and into a storage unit. It was hot and Ron made fun of me because I was still wearing the same skirt I had worn to church but I didn't have time to change!! Then today was a whirlwind. I don't even know... Mondays are usually my days off and for the first half of it, it was. I received a text message from Ron telling me (and others via a mass text) that one of our member's child died this morning. When she woke up this morning she found him blue and lifeless in his crib. He only lived a short 7 months. I can not even express to you what it feels like to sit in a living room with someone who has lost a child so unexpectedly. To sit there and see the pain and know that there is absolutely nothing you can do or say that will make her pain go away. 7 months old. It's times like these when I can't help but question God's plan. I know he has one and trust me I know that he is in full control and I don't doubt him but I do question. This woman loved her son more than anything. I just hope and pray that she finds comfort and support in her church community. There are so many other ways people can turn and I just pray that we are a solid foundation for her and a community of support and love that will wrap our arms around her. Life doesn't make sense sometimes but yet we must continue to love. Please pray for this family and pray that our staff and our members are given the words to say and the love to give. God is good and he's merciful. Please pray that He comforts this family in only a way that he can. Love you all.

Simplicity

2009-07-31T00:44:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder what Jesus' ministry really was? People.... simply people... he loved people, and he understood and had compassion for those who were lost and hurting and humiliated and "damaged goods." Jesus loved people.

At Agape I really like the idea of "come as you are but don't stay that way." When you walk into this church there is an understanding. Everyone has gone through something, is going through something, or will go through something. No one is perfect and it is known. Isn't that how Church is supposed to be? I just really love Jesus. I love that power that God has to change someone's heart. I love that a woman I've come to really admire who works with recovering prostitutes NEVER wanted to join a church, but when a church in Portland opened the doors to her and her work, she couldn't help but join. When she was loved and accepted she wanted to know more. This church has a huge building and is giving CPA storage space and a place to meet every thursday night and this woman just thinks the world of the people who attend at this church. I love when Christianity effects people in that way. When Christians, as a whole, can change people because of our love and compassion and empathy for the human condition. Isn't that what Jesus did? he attracted the lame, the mute, the bleeding, the pain inflicted, the nothings of the world, the sinners, the lowest of the low. we can ALL fit into those categories. But once a person comes into contact with Christ and his redeeming love we HAVE to respond.

Christianity can NO longer be something we do; it MUST be WHO WE ARE. People should have to do a double take because they can't believe our love. After all, isn't that who Christ is? People didn't understand his love, they didn't understand his mission. They couldn't grasp his compassion. People could not wrap their minds around his acts of kindness and his sacrifice for all people. So I ask myself and others, can people and DO people see these characteristics in our lives? Do people ask the question "what is different about this person?" If not, I would challenge us to take a hard look at our love. Let's stop making it so conditional. Let's get uncomfortable. Let's take a risk on someone and love someone who society says doesn't deserve it. Let's believe that God truly loves all of his people and begin to express his love in our every day lives. Let's not settle for mediocrity and comfort for the things we can grasp and understand. Let's jump out of our seats and let our hearts race a little bit with anticipation of what God can do in our lives. All he wants is a willing heart. Can't we be willing? YES. Let's be willing. God will do the rest!!!

I am so thankful for the opportunities that God has laid at my feet and I just pray that as more and more doors open, I can see with a clear mind which one I'm supposed to step through. I pray that you all have a blessed week. Pray and read and love. Love til it hurts then love a little more. God bless you all

Great day!

2009-07-26T22:42:00.000-07:00

Since I have been here, I have been fortunate to participate in a weekly Bible study that Lori had been doing with a woman named Alena. Lori has been studying with Alena for about 6 months and while the Clark's were on vacation I got to spend some more one on one time with her. Alena is an incredible person. She has so much faith in God and anyone can just see her passion and willingness to learn more. She always has questions and wants to learn. I, personally, have learned so much from her faith. She has overcome a difficult past and is trying to start over. I am so happy that I was able to witness her new beginning. Last Thursday she was so excited that she wanted to just go do it! She decided to wait so that her family could be a part of it! This is just another instance of God working through people.

Our Human Trafficking Team will be meeting this Tuesday for dinner. I have a LOT of things to discuss with the group. We are trying to be intentional about how we are serving people in Portland who have been/or are involved in trafficking. Since I've been volunteering with Council for Prostitution Alternatives, I've been given some ideas in how we, as a church, can help this organization. Some of our ideas are ones for fundraising, such as having a garage sale or a carwash. We're trying to raise money for CPA because they do so much for women who are trying to get out of Prostitution. to learn more about CPA visit their website. http://www.prostitutionalternatives.org/

Pray that we can figure out where God is leading us in this venture. I'm so excited to dive into this some more and just love some people in the process! Go with God this week and just remember that when you ask him for opportunities, he WILL give them to you. Keep your eyes open and treat everyone as if they were God himself. WE are all created in his image. never forget to pray and give me your ideas about fund raising if you have some! Thank you and I love you all!

My home is coming together!

2009-07-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

So I moved into my new place on this last wed. It is such a fun little place! I'm working on keeping it cool on these record high days but i'm not complaining! Life is so great. I've made some incredible new friends who have just taken me under their wings and shown me the ropes around Portland! I've done so much since I've been here and this weekend i'm going on two hikes! I'm very excited for that. I love connecting with God in that way... when you push your body's limits and experience something beautiful! I've had a wonderful past week. I feel so blessed to be here learning how to do ministry and learning how God uses people. This week Lori and I will be getting back at it. The Clark's had been gone for 2 weeks and I was meeting with people. This last thursday I met with the volunteer coordinator for Council for Prostitution Alternatives and we were just trying to figure out how Agape could start working with this organization. I love the women so much. This last Thursday night I had to skip my group because we had a training about Human Trafficking. It was a very eye opening and heart wrenching meeting but we had about 15 people come and just learn about what these people are going through every day. It is always good to try and understand other people's lives and then at the same time reflect on our own lives. God continues to push us to open our minds and our eyes so that we can see what he's doing in this City. We are all just specs in the grand scheme of things but somehow he still manages to use us. I am so blessed to be supported by such a wonderful Church in Tulsa and I don't think i could express how grateful I am to all of the people who are making it possible for me to be here. Just keep praying that I am doing God's will and that he makes the path more and more clear! Thank you all love you and I pray that you find God in the simple things this week.

circulation is key

2009-07-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

God is good. The way I'm feeling, I could leave you with that statement and that could convey everything I've been feeling lately. God is good. When we pray, do we expect God to answer? Do we wait a while then make our decision? When we read the Word, do we hear God's spirit whispering to us life lessons and life's meaning? Do we listen? When amazing things happen in our lives, do we automatically give God the credit? Do we worry about the little things in life and bicker over pointless subjects that don't get us closer to God or closer to people? Do we have time for that? Why do we fight a never ending battle of greed and selfishness? Why can't we just step back, take a moment, and breathe in the air that we were allowed to breathe today? Why do people walk so fast? It's like the destination is more important than the journey... that can't be true... think about who you could get to know on the journey. Think about the man in the wheel chair playing the harmonica in the dead of night who you can learn something from. Take a moment to scream at life's imperfections. Yell at the top of your lungs at the fact that people are being abused around the world and IN OUR OWN BACKYARDS. Can we get off of the pedestal that we have made Christianity and get our hands dirty with the most shut out people in the world? I'm guilty of it, you're guilty of it, we all are. Thank GOD for his grace and Jesus for his sacrifice and the Holy Spirit for guiding our steps. I hope my words don't cause anger but maybe some questions we can all ask ourselves every day. SLOOOWW DOWWWNN and ask God to make clearer what he's trying to show us, what he's trying to say to us. He's calling and it's time we listen. Life is too beautiful to not share it with each other. Let's get out of our comfort zones and step out of the box we've sat in collecting dust with our friends who look just like us. Thank God for what he's done in your life and praise him for his plans. And above all else. LOVE. love people because they are the Image of God.... the image of God. each and every person. Love and never stop loving. Take a breath. and love.

Thank you for your prayers and if ever you need prayers from me... you know where to find me! :) love each and every one of you and I hope and pray that God is making paths clear for you to walk in. Pray for Agape, pray for the ministries we're embarking upon, and pray for my friends who are in the midst of a struggle between wrong and right and that are just striving to live a better life. Love you guys.

Follow-up

2009-07-11T13:01:00.001-07:00

So in my last post i told you all about my new friend. Well I went to visit her yesterday and just sat with her at her house and we just talked. It was so nice just to be able to BE there. I know she was appreciative of what i could give but that wasn't the point. The point is having a common respect for each other and seeing the image of God in almost a complete stranger. I look forward to more times I can spend with her and just getting to know more about her life. Also while we sat there she just kind of sprung up and said she wanted to give me something. She came back with this absolutely beautiful cross statue. This statue was probably one of the best gifts i've ever gotten and will be my first decoration in my apartment on Wed!! :)

God never ceases to amaze me. He is constantly teaching me something new. That a woman who was in need of something is so willing to give. And a girl who sometimes thinks she has it figured out can be shown something beautiful that she never expected. The image of God is all around us. In the faces of the teacher, the lawyer, the homeless man on the corner, and the prostitute. What an incredible gift we hold being a human being knowing that we were created from greatness.

Thursday nights are looking a little different....

2009-07-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

I cried tonight. boy did i cry. but please don't worry or feel sorry for me. God is good. okay so here was my Thursday-----

Be warned... this is going to be a long one... and straight from my journal...

Wow. I have never had such a day like this. God is incredible. Here's the story. So since i've been here, i hadn't tithed anything and my friend Janet and I had a conversation a couple of nights ago about this. when i talk about tithing people usually think 10% so i just want you to keep that in mind for this story.

So today is my busy day. This morning I met with Alena and God spoke to us. We talked about forgiveness I'm so glad that her and i are getting to know each other. Then i ran a little bit then met up with my new friend Shalina and we walked for about 5 hours with her two Chihuahuas Fez and Chloe. We talked about so many things and we met this woman named Eclipse. then we saw her again and talked with her... then later today i saw a guy with the word Eclipse on his shirt. I hope i meet her again sometime because there was just something about her. She had most of her hair shaved except for her bright pink pony tail but she was so nice with her piercing through her nose like a bull. I saw God in her today. Shalina is great with talking to people and i admire her for that. So we ate and walked around Laurelhurst Park. It was great to get outside.

Then, the best/most heart wrenching part of my week... CPA!! (council for prostitution alternatives). i say best because i love these women, i say most heart wrenching because my heart breaks for these women. BUT before i went there i stopped by a cafe and and got some chi (not my favorite in town) and just sat by myself and thought and prayed and thought some more. It's good to clear your mind before you go into something where you hear life stories. Helps you to focus. My one prayer was simply that God would use me tonight, in some way i didn't care how but to make it evident how he wanted to use me. So i get to our meeting and tonight was Yoga night!! yoga is tough stuff... and then we had our check in time. We went around the table and said our names and what we were goign through. One woman talked about not thinking prostitution was wrong but it was a means to provide for her children who she loved so dearly. It hurt so badly to hear this woman tlk about being used as a "tool" all of her life. I cannot imagine her pain. All i wanted to do was to tell her how beautiful she is and how much God loves her. And how she deserves so much more.

Well, she was h aving money issues and had paid for most of her rent but was $200.00 short and she told us that she had no idea where she was going to get the money from without selling what she has in the past. She has to keep a roof over her children's heads especially since DHS has been after her because they found out about how she's been making money. (also why she's at the support group to try to figure out a different life). I felt the Holy Spirit. I did... I felt God speaking to me in that very moment because my 10% of what i make is exactly $200.00. Now I'm not sure if tithing is supposed to go straight to the church but i can't imagine a better way to use this tithe than to tell this woman that God is providing this for her. I don't say any of this to put myself in the spotlight and I pray that no one reads it that way, but that whoever reads this is encouraged at how much God loves us and answers prayers. I am so unworthy of being here but I am so grateful for God's grace that allows me to walk with these women on this difficult journey. When we ask God to use us... He will. Thank you for your support and your love. I wouldn't be here without it. God bless you all.

Independence Day!

2009-07-05T22:42:00.001-07:00

So yesterday was the 4th of July! And this whole weekend has been so wonderful! Thursday night Kathy Zumwalt and I went to the support group and we brought the food (courtesy of my dad! :) and we just had such a wonderful/heart wrenching time listening to these women and hearing their stories. It is a blessed thing when God places people in your life to open your eyes and help you learn compassion. I have learned compassion. I can't even express to you how much I've grown just learning from these women. I thank God for my family that I was protected and loved so much by everyone. I hadn't realized what a HUGE blessing that was until I heard about families that didn't protect and didn't love. It is hard to know what God is going to do but I know he will do great things because his people are ready and willing to serve. These women need the love of God in their lives, and it is interesting because they seem to have more faith in God than I do... talk about a faith check!

After I left the support group on Thursday, I went to the Hunt's house to meet my friend KATIE!! Here's our story, so I met Michael Aimonetti my freshman year of college and he told me about this wonderful girl he had dated when he was home, so of course I had to know her. We have talked on facebook and AIM for FOUR YEARS, but we had never met. Basically we had an internet friendship. So she's been in Washington for the last year and she decided to come to Portland for the 4th! We ended up having a sleep over at the Hunt's house and spent the next two days together hiking and venturing around Portland doing very Portland things. We're best friends.... I think I can safely say my favorite part of our weekend was the cake we baked. We baked the bottom then iced it then baked the cupcakes and attached them! then we tried to travel... needless to say we should have thought of a better plan! It still tasted delicious! Bill and Julie Hunt fed us wonderful food and are such great people to just sit with and talk to. So all in all it was just such a wonderful weekend. I couldn't have asked for better company!

Again I will ask for prayers for the women I will come into contact with, that I will bring words of hope to their lives and that God will help me form relationships with these women. Mainly just that God will use me. Thank you for your love and prayers! Love you all. Keep your eyes open for the beauty that surrounds you in the little things in life. Never take those things for granted.

Life!

2009-07-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

Life is good! I'm going to be staying at the Clarks' house for the next two weeks while they are visiting family and friends on vacation. THEN i get to move into my new apartment! I'm pretty excited about that. The weather is warming up here to about mid 80s - 90s. What other random thing can i tell you? :) Yep nothing else random going on.

Tomorrow night I will be meeting with the women that I met last thursday. I'm really excited so if you read this before tomorrow night, say a prayer that God will use me and that He shows me my purpose. In fact, just pray that prayer for me in general! Thanks! Oh yeah... tomorrow marks one month here! That is crazy but I'm loving it so much. Thank you to everyone who has been praying. God is so good.

Picture this

2009-06-26T13:03:00.000-07:00

So something new has begun... A bit of a new chapter I guess you could say.

I wrote earlier about this woman named Lila who is working to get women out of prostitution. This woman is dynamite. She is so full of passion for these women and for justice. Here are some things people need to know...

Prostitution is NOT a choice. It is NOT a lifestyle. It is NOT just something a woman decided to get into one day. It is every kind of human rights abuse that there is. It is sexual abuse, it is physical abuse, it is emotional abuse.

Now that that is taken care of, let's talk about this program. They meet every Thursday night for a support group. Last night there were 2 women who had gotten out of prostitution and one young lady who is starting her journey to get out. It is interesting to see this support group work because it is not a faith based group (which is precisely who Agape tries to work with). These women are getting their needs met for community and accountability but they are lacking spirituality. I'm not sure what my role in all of this will be, but last night when I met these women I couldn't believe the things I heard. One lady asked for me to pray for her and her mother. Just the fact that I automatically had a place with these women made me feel like this is something that I need to be a part of. So we'll see how God works! I'm excited to get to know these women better and try to get to know their stories and what they've been through. Please pray that God will open doors and hearts and allow me to work for him with these women. Thank you all for your prayers and support.

The doors are open... let's walk through

2009-06-19T18:13:00.000-07:00

Before I came to Portland, I really didn't know what to expect. I knew I'd be working with a group of great people. I knew that Agape was reaching out to people and I knew that I wanted to be a part of this church. It just feels right to be here! And i love that feeling!

So what's been going on?

- I've been tagging along with Lori and seeing how she does her ministry. It's been great meeting women and young ladies who God is putting in our paths. We have a group we meet with ever Thursday of a couple of women. We just talk about life and every thursday our friend asks if we want to read out of the Bible. It's great!

- We also meet with other ladies at different times over coffee or for lunch. I've met a lot of great women and have learned a lot from Lori and Ron as well.

- We go downtown to find people to take to lunch. Nathan (Ron and Lori's oldest son) went together to look for whoever God would place in our path. We didn't find a homeless person to hang out with... we found 3! There were these three street kids with an inflatable bat. Their names were Andi, Maggot, and Dee. They held up a sign that read: "Hit a bum for a quarter!" at first Nathan and I were kind of like... uhhhh.... but the more we hung out with these three the more we realized that they were hilarious! Really and truly, these 3 made us laugh so much. We found out that they were just passing through Portland and moving onto to another city that weekend. The thought it would be a "creative way" to panhandle. We didn't think that anyone would actually hit them with this inflatable bat, but as it turns out, children find it hilarious! We invited them to church but they were heading off on sunday, but it was good to meet them!

-Now, onto Human Trafficking. When I came here I knew I wanted to do something in this area but just constantly prayed the prayer that God would open the doors he wanted to. Well we were kind of worried about what our role would be in all of this. My first week, we got a call from the attorney's office about a woman who has 2 children who was trying to get out of prostitution. The problem is, she had no money and no way to get to California to get her name cleared. So Agape did was it does best, they rallied up their resources and got this woman the money to get the job done. And so it began. We then got information about a place called Council for Prostitution Alternatives. This place helps women and men get out of prostitution and back into the real world. So we're meeting with the director next Monday to talk about how Agape can be a part of what they are doing!

SO! That is what my last two weeks have consisted of! Oh and it rained a LOT today! :) but that was only the second time since i've been here! I'm not tired of it yet... i know i know give me like 3 months and I'll be tired of it! Good thing i'm loving it too much! Thanks for all of your prayers and support! love you all!

Bus Theology

2009-06-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I relived something that I used to do. In Costa Rica, I had to become one with public transit. This wasn't hard because i had my trusty friend Janet along with me for the ride. We took the bus to down town san jose, or up the street to somebody's house, or on a long journey to the beach. We were unstoppable on a bus. We knew not to talk because we didn't want to stand out as foreigners! (as if our skin color wasn't enough). so we just shared a pair of headphones and listened to music all the way to our destination. I say i relieved this because yesterday I rode the bus to downtown Portland from the house where I am staying. This time I didn't have Janet with me, but i still had my headphones.

While riding and listening to music, something clicked. Churches should mirror a bus.

Here's why bus theology makes sense to me- When you ride on a bus, you are relying on the driver to get you where you need to go, sure you faithfully give a couple of dollars in order for this to keep moving, but your hope is, is that the bus driver knows what he or she is doing. You are in a close community while on a bus. And it's not one that makes you feel the most comfortable. Sometimes it's cramped, and sometimes you are around people that you don't spend time with in your normal circles, but one thing has brought you all together. You are trying to get somewhere.

While riding public transportation, you meet interesting people. Yesterday, a woman who looked very hippy sat across from me. When a passenger got on who couldn't seem to either afford a ticket or find his, this hippy woman passed him her day pass ticket to show as his. Now I'm not saying that was right, but there is a certain kind of community in that, kind of like taking care of each other even though she did not know him. There was a man who wore a cross pin on his shirt and that struck up a conversation with another man talking about the goodness and the evil in the world. Again, a certain kind of community. These two men probably had nothing in common except for this bus. College kids, working men and women, homeless men and women, single mothers, rich bachelors.... all trying to get somewhere.

Now with public transportation it is pretty obvious what the goal is and which stops to take to get to one's destination. Is it that obvious in our churches? Sure a goal is to get to heaven, but what else? Is that all we're aiming for? What about life on earth?

We have to start by making our churches look more like a city bus. Get a little bit uncomfortable with the person next to you. Talk about your pain and rejoice in your victories. Love people who are NOTHING like you. Then we can figure out how powerful God is when people of every kind come together to get somewhere.

DANGEROUS!!

2009-06-10T14:45:00.000-07:00

I remember last semester in my Senior Bible class we were asked to do a case study. It involved a church that was, I believe, 30 years old or so and when it started, the neighborhood around it was your typical old ladies and church goers. As time went by, the neighborhood became more dangerous. Elderly people were gone, and in their place moved gangsters and poverty stricken families who were just trying to get by. This church remained, and began having single mothers from the community come with their children which began to make up a large part of the congregation.

The church started getting vandalized; windows had rocks thrown through them, cars were broken into and people were feeling uneasy. The church leaders got together and discussed the possibility of moving to "white suburbia" to escape these happenings. Our job was to discuss if this was the correct Christian response or not. Think about that on your own for a second....

My response was, REALLY?

I have issues with some new words that have been introduced into the Christian vocabulary... safety, security, running, comfort... and so on. Since when was Christianity supposed to be any of those? Christianity is dangerous. It goes against evil. It looks evil in the eye and says there is a better way. It is counter-cultural. It is a LIGHT in the DARKNESS. It is not comfortable pew sitting, it is not being mixed in with other people who are exactly like ourselves. Christianity is mixing ourselves in with people of the world trying to show love and compassion and a better way of life all the while DECLARING the great news of Jesus who is the ultimate example of love.

Saying ALL of that, we met with Keith today who is head of the Human Trafficking task force at the Multnomah Sheriff's department. We were trying to figure out ways to be a part of a movement to help educate and stop human trafficking. Something that Ron said is that this is so much bigger than all of us. Of course we know this. BUT our God is so much bigger than any evil in this world. Keith told us of churches who have ran because of fear, which some may do. Please don't think I'm going to go stare a pimp in the face and tell him to change his ways. Keith is smart and wants to use us as tools to get the word out to the Christian Community about this incredibly awful sin that is growing in our country. So that's what I did today. Pray for these efforts that God will use willing hearts to help serve in this area and not only that we can help reach out to victims but also the police officers that have to see the ugliest side of humanity on a day to day basis. Thanks for reading this long post and I hope everything is going well! Pray for us that we constantly seek God in all that we do! love you all!

I don't know what to title this one....

2009-06-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

So today is Sunday, and I'm going to make a brief recap of the past weekend.

Friday-

I woke up and just kind of hung out for the morning then went to the Clark's and just had a great afternoon with Lori and the boys talking about life and ministry and what i was expecting from my time here. I've been thinking a lot about it. I want to learn, I want to grow, and I want to take risks in loving people and attempting to help people. I want to be used by God. I believe that is going to be just the beginning of my experience here and that is what this blog is for, to kind of track what God will be doing through my time here!

Friday night Ashleigh Hess picked me up and we went out to the Hinds' house! it was beautiful and we just played games and hung out.

Saturday-

Saturday was such a fun day. The morning consisted of little league T-ball... it was hilarious. Zero competition, you just had little kids lying around on the ground, or 14 kids going after the ball and all dog piling on top of it. It was pretty funny. Then you had the 3 girls that were out there representing... and i just thought to myself how that was me when i was young! Saturday afternoon we went to a park for a birthday party and i played ultimate frisbee under the tallest sky. It was perfect weather. I met a lot of people from Agape which made Sunday morning even easier!

Sunday-

Today we met at Lincoln High School and had a time of fellowship. It was so great! I had to go up front to be prayed for and I tried to not look awkward in front of people! I met more people and went to lunch with a good group of people. I'm so excited to be a part of this Church and of what they are doing in the community! I'll start working this week and I'll continue to write what that will look like! God's in control and I know that he has huge plans and I'm excited to see those unfold! Thanks for reading the longest post ever! I pray that God blesses you in all that you are doing for him.

Here we Go!!

2009-06-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

Well my brother, my dad and I hopped on a plane on June 2nd and headed to my new home of Portland OR. What awaits? I'm not really sure... I'm focusing on God, people, and life. We got off of the plane and were met by the Clarks! I love this family. Ron, pulling his connections, got us a couple of hotel rooms for a discount and we headed there exhausted from a long day of flying.

The next day we explored. It was absolutely beautiful. We went to Multnomah Falls and Mt. Hood. Both were humbling experiences. I cannot express how easy it is to see God's creative work in nature. God is obviously there, he has made this beauty and allowed me to be here to witness it. All of that brings to mind the scripture about God clothing the lilies of the field and how much more he will do for us as his children. Then I went downtown last night and looked around at the people and was struck again by God's creativity. That may sound weird but I mean it in a way that every single person is different... and if he cares about his nature and making it beautiful and taking care of the birds of the air, then how much does he have to care about ALL people that he has created? Every person is different, yet every person can find God and be completed. How diverse God is! It is incredible. I'm excited to begin this journey in this new place. I just pray that I continue to listen, and follow God's call to the people that I am meant to come into contact with. Love you all and thanks for your prayers and support of what I'll be doing!